


Another Life

by melodylangdon



Category: American Horror Story, House of Cards (US TV)
Genre: AHS, Cheating, End of the World, F/F, F/M, HOC, Infidelity, M/M, Multi, NSFW, Outpost, Smut, Witches, another life, coven - Freeform, rocky relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:29:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23122516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodylangdon/pseuds/melodylangdon
Summary: Duncan and his girlfriend of almost 3 years have their relationship put to the test when she goes away on a trip and Duncan is needed to stay at home until he receives a visit that will change his life forever.
Relationships: Duncan Shepherd/Original Female Character(s), Madison Montgomery/Original Character(s), Michael Langdon/Duncan Shepherd, Michael Langdon/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. Knock Knock

She was everything Duncan had ever wanted and he knew he should be happy and content with his life but he wasn't. His girlfriend of going on 3 years, Michelle, was blonde, beautiful, blue eyes, tall, model-like, slim, and rich. His mom, Annette, loved her, his uncle Bill loved her, and the rest of his family and friends, as well as his socialite group, accepted her too. They had met in October almost 3 and a half years prior and it was at a business party for the Shepherd Foundation. He would always rush into the sex part of the relationship fairly quickly and become steady friends with benefits at first with the girl but not her. Michelle could be the jealous type though. Which was perfectly understandable and Duncan just wanted to see her happy. As long as he was the one that came home to her and only her, it seemed to work out. Sometimes she felt she wasn't enough for him and that maybe some other woman was more compatible. They had something real because they waited to make love. With all other women before her, he rushed too fast into things and they never worked out. He never held it against her that she was into women even though he knew he couldn't please her as much as a woman ever could. He also knew that if she left him for someone else, it would be because she left him and it wouldn't matter if it was a woman or not. His sex drive was stronger than Michelle's so he would spend most of his time masturbating and getting off to porn, mainly lesbian porn and threesomes, also some BDSM. He didn't have an addiction but knew it would probably be a good idea for couples counseling and therapy at some point. 

All that aside, they had a fairly good relationship. She was an art major at D.C. University and Duncan was majoring in political science with a minor in English Literature. He was now a professor at New York University, Michelle was an artist and she did magnificent paintings. An art show in Pennsylvania was coming up for her and she would be out of town for most of the week. Due to Duncan's workload and classes he would be teaching so he couldn't get out of his prior commitments. It was unfortunate and yes, he would miss her, but they needed some time to themselves. The way they left things and how things went down right before she left though, wasn't good. They had gotten into a fight. Despite Duncan doing half the chores, paying his fair share of the rent and utilities, showing his love and support for her, not everything was good. To the rest of the world, it appeared as if they lived a perfect suburban life, something out of a fairytale, but they didn't. It didn't come easily to them even they tried really hard to make things work with each other.   
He wanted her in his life but she thought he took her for granted and was upset he decided to stay home completely and not even try to make it to her art show. She wanted to have him there for moral support, and to share this week- one of the best of her life hopefully with her. A surprise trip to see her at least before the art show commenced. If he could make it work he would. No promises though. He appreciated her even if he didn't always show it. Michelle deserved the world and he wanted to give her that. The fight they had before she left was insensitive and pointless. It wasn't so bad but it wasn't good either. It wasn't a 'we're done kind of fight' but a 'we might break up soon if we don't fix this' kind of one. He wouldn't let her go so easily though. He would fight for her, just as he hoped she would fight for him. After she left, he knew they would probably have a make-up phone call or facetime, after she landed from her flight, and had some time to herself to think.

Sometimes he wondered if he settled down too early in life because he was only 28 but he knew he had a genuine love for Michelle so he was determined to make this relationship work. When they met, Michelle was 22, he was 24. Seeing her walk out the door upset to catch her flight, he was disappointed in himself. He had to get to work grading papers and he would be up half the night working on them if he couldn't concentrate soon. Instead of calling his girlfriend or face timing her, he decided to get off. There wasn't another woman for him but he knew if Michelle found out he watched porn still and as much as he did, then he wouldn't be able to hear the last of it. Something would have to change for him to get back on track to living a normal and healthy, happy, everyday life. There were always those thoughts nagging him at the back of his mind, telling him he wasn't good enough and that he didn't deserve this relationship. As for marriage with Michelle- well, he wasn't sure when it would be the right time to pop the question, or what ring to buy her. He would propose to her though where they went on their first date- to an art gallery in downtown D.C. Smithsonian Art Museum. They had been living in New York for almost 2 years now so a vacation would be a much-needed trip away. 

Annette kept saying she wanted to be a grandmother soon and kept asking him when he would be having his first child. The answer would usually be: "when the time is right" or "we are too busy right now but someday-soon." He found out after college that Annette wasn't his real mother. He still loved her and worked through his issues even though it caused some problems. He knew she had his best interests at heart and he needed her in his life. Sometimes Annette would even question if Duncan was ever going to be ready to be a father and put pressure on him. Even if she had the best intentions for him, he felt he was being rushed. He didn't want to be like the typical couples who got married in their 20's, settled down, had kids, and lived the average life. There was more to be done first for him and he didn't want to rush things. They had their whole lives ahead of them and they shouldn't settle for anything less. When they had first come into each other's lives, there was nothing but fun though sadly the great times were short-lived. Sometimes he didn't honestly believe he truly deserved her. They used to go on cute dates, even something as simple as seeing a black-and-white movie at the classics theatre or a night in watching Netflix while eating sushi. It was all enjoyable because he got to spend time with her. 

She was adopted too. Her adoptive parents were much better than her birth parents. When she was a preteen they put her up for adoption at the age of 12. She knew she loved men and women at an early age and when she was caught kissing a girl at age 11 her parents weren't accepting. Her dad died soon after in a plane crash and her mom was sent to a mental health facility to take care of her problems. Through it all, Duncan was there for her and she loved him as much as he loved her. They had a lot in common and lived similar lifestyles but something was still missing from their relationship. A kiss every day before work, turned into less, sometimes a peck, then a hug, soft caress, until there was no contact between them. Despite this, he wouldn't give up the good fight. The communication between them was lacking and even though they lived together and shared meals with each other (usually), it still felt sometimes their lives were on two separate paths and that they might as well be on other planets. When their relationship was going good it was quite great but now that it was lacking it was cold and silent. Almost hopeless. There was no in-between. Unfortunately, Michelle had a secret of her own. She had purposely not taken her birth control multiple times recently in hopes that she could get pregnant. She wasn't sure Duncan was wanting to get pregnant and she felt so distant from him. Almost certain that a baby would be what would keep them together, she decided to stop taking them for a little. After this, she was hopeful she would get pregnant, but lo and behold months later, she still wasn't pregnant. Shortly after arriving in Pennsylvania, she decided she would be seeing a doctor secretly to see if she was infertile or if there was any possible way for her to end up pregnant. Another fear of hers was that she would become pregnant and have a miscarriage. Not by any means did she have an eating disorder or problems with food. When her period stopped 2 months prior, she believed she was unable to conceive. Hopefully, this wasn't the case and she would be able to have a baby with Duncan soon. Having a baby wouldn't make the man stay but she would be able to give the baby a good life at least and she was willing to try and make things work with Duncan if he was too.

Every day he would show his love for her and she would be there for him, showing how much he meant to her. Even if his work was stressful, he was around as much as he could be. Late days at work led to some of their relationship turned sour and it was heartbreaking when he didn't feel good enough for her. There was only so much he could do to show his compassion and care for her. There was more on his mind than just sex but he missed the closeness of Michelle. Her touch, her body on his. They slept on the same bed but it felt like they weren't even in the same home some nights. Back when their relationship was going well, Duncan would bring her home flowers, help with the cooking, take her to fancy places, give her everything she could want. They still went out publicly but it was almost a facade as if they were putting on a show. He almost thought before she left she would tell him she wanted to break up but she didn't. Without so much as a kiss goodbye, she left him that night with a distant goodbye. 

After Duncan had sat down to grade some papers, with a cup of hot ginger tea and his glasses, he heard a knock on his door. It was a very rainy night. He wasn't expecting anyone. Who could it be? His dog, a golden retriever, Sammy, was on the prowl. He went up to the door and moaned, then scratched on it. Upon getting up Duncan heard 2 female voices. They seemed to be stuck in the rain and needed some help. He didn't normally open the door for strangers, but upon looking through the peephole in the door he noticed one of his students, Sarah, and another girl was with her. He opened the door but kept the chain on.

"Hello, Professor Shepherd. Care to help 2 girls out of the rain?" Sarah asked with hope in her voice.  
"You girls need me to call an Uber?" He asked concerned.  
"That would be great," the friend responded with a grateful tone.  
And with that, he let them in. Little did he know, his real troubles were about to start.


	2. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan alone at home receives an unexpected visit and is faced with temptation. Also a flashback of younger Michelle/diary entry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for this chapter came from the song Breaking Point by my favorite band Bullet For My Valentine from the album Temper Temper

Diary entry junior year of high school April 25th.  
"I can't believe this is happening and what has already happened. They found my diary and I was exposed in front of the whole school at prom night. It was the worst night of my life and it is still not over. It was all ruined completely. My life is probably over now. I hate my life so much. No one else understands. My only friends don't even care about me anymore. They hate me. I hate me. People should hate me. The biggest jerk jock and his posse exposed me and tried to ruin me. I was too stupid I should have never left my diary in my purse. I never should have brought it to school even. I'm the biggest idiot. It was so stupid and a dumb thing to do. I just had to write numerous entries about my life. Having a new journal like this to vent to is slightly numbing the pain I guess. it doesn't change what happened though. I burned the other diary because why wouldn't I? It had to be done. No questions asked. The whole student body found out about my drunken hookup with another girl, Mary. I am such a lightweight. I hate it. I just had to be stupid enough to do it. I am now labeled a slut and a dyke for forever. Nothing will change that. I hate this preppy school I am going to transfer. Life is so cruel and unkind because people make it that way. I hate them. I want to watch all these popular fools pay for what they did to me. I am not a person who labels things. There is no denying who I am. I love women. It didn't even have to take having sex with one to know that. I loved it. I fell in love with a girl. How can I just hide my feelings and bottle them all up forever? I like boys too but I can't pick one and I shouldn't have to. Everyone is telling me to pick a side but what do they know about me? Nothing, that's what. They don't deserve to know anything about me. They wouldn't care anyway. It could be worse but it still sucks. It's not like I made a sex tape that was released for everyone to see in the entire world on a porn site on the world wide web. I don't know where to go now. Maybe I should just jump off a cliff now. Why not? After all, who would miss me?"

Cut to the present at Duncan's place:  
This was an unexpected and surprise visit. What could these 2 girls want? The weather outside was horrible and it was such a dreary night. He recognized the redheaded girl. She was a student of his. He didn't see students outside office hours ever beyond meetings, tutoring, or guidance counselor assistance for classes. He was going to need a good stiff drink to deal with whatever this was. Sarah's friend looked like she was hurt. She was cut on her leg. Going to get the first aid kit in the kitchen cabinet under the sink as well as gathering some towels, the girls took it upon themselves to look around and enter the dining room. Sammy took to the two girls instantly and went up to them giving them sad puppy eyes. They thought the dog was so cute. Just then, Duncan returned to the dining room with some antiseptic, gauze, bandaids, rubbing alcohol, and towels. Victoria thanked him and in only a few minutes, she was fixed right up and both girls were dried off with the towels.  
"That should heal in a few days or less. May I ask what happened?" Duncan inquired after removing his glasses and wiping them off with his shirt. Victoria just smiled and Sarah started giving belly rubs to Sammy. Sam loved it. He always loved being the center of attention and loved pretty much everyone.  
"We were on our way to a party and got lost the Uber left us off at the last block and we walked. I didn't see the rock in the road and tripped. Fell before I could catch my balance or Sarah could help me," Victoria responded sounding genuinely upset.  
"Sorry for bothering you, Professor Shepherd. This is my friend, Victoria, and we don't want to be a bother. I mean what are the odds we would stumble upon your place? The party is around here I think. I lost the directions though," Sarah told him with confusion in her tone.

Duncan went to pour himself a shot of scotch. He gulped it down in one shot. This was becoming almost too much for him. Sarah was wearing a short dress and fishnet tights, Victoria was wearing a short skirt and a tank top. They couldn't be any older than 19, 20. He knew he needed to get rid of them soon but the kindest thing to do and the right thing to do would be to at least let them call another Uber and while they waited, dry their clothes for them and offer them some water to drink. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he just sent them out in this horrible weather. The storm was getting worse and showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.  
"It's fine. I can dry your clothes for you and you can get in touch with a friend for the right directions and then call an Uber. I could get some robes for you and some water too. Unless either of you would prefer to drink something else? No alcohol though, sorry. I'm not about to give alcohol to minors," he told them hoping to not sound too lame.  
"No, that's alright we aren't big drinkers anyway. It's alright. The robes will do. Um, I left my phone in my dorm room. I'm an idiot. And her phone died. We could use your phone I hope?" Victoria asked hopefully.  
"That's fine I only have an iPhone though. I'll go get it and the robes and be right back after I start the clothes in the dryer." He got the robes and they went into the bathroom to slip them on. When they came back, Duncan handed over his phone and took their clothes to go get dried. He felt like he was in over his head. He needed to get them out sooner rather than later.  
"You're a lifesaver, professor," Sarah yelled from the living room as Duncan was setting up the dryer.  
While he was away, they called their friend. When he came back, he noticed they were still on the phone.   
"We don't know the address, sorry," Victoria said as she continued the phone call with her friend who was supposedly having the party.  
They finished their call with their friend after getting the address.  
"I can call the Uber for you if you'd like," Duncan said.  
"Thank you so much for doing this. You didn't have to," Sarah responded in a grateful tone.  
"No problem. Glad I could be of help." Duncan then ordered the Uber service. Now he had another situation to deal with. Just great. Well, it could be worse, he surmised as he was joined on either side of the couch by Victoria and Sarah. It felt so awkward. He wanted nothing more than to get drunk but knew it was a bad idea.   
"I am so thankful, Professor Shepherd. Really how could I ever repay you?" Sarah asked as she boldly ran her fingers all innocently down Duncan's pant thigh. He pushed her away instantly. Despite this, Victoria got in closer and was just about to grab Duncan's hand before he stood up beet red and went to go check on their clothes. They went to the bathroom to shower while he was away tending to that and checking on Sammy.

Soon he heard the water running and took another shot of Scotch. The Uber driver would be there soon and they didn't like to wait. They had plenty of better things to do than wait for girls who were fashionably late.   
5 more minutes go by since they left to shower. The Uber driver was there when a notification pinged and Duncan looked out the window to see they had arrived. He went to the bathroom door and knocked loudly. He yelled next that their ride was there and that he had their dried clothes. Waiting a minute without any answer he decided to try the door. It wasn't locked and pushed open with ease. There was steam everywhere, especially on the mirrors. The robes were thrown haphazardly on the ground and he could see through the fogged-up glass, the girls showering.  
"Leaving the clothes here. Come out as soon as you can. I'll go stall the driver."  
They giggled and opened the shower curtain. He tried to turn away and cover his eyes but Victoria already had a towel on and went up to Duncan, following him as he backed away.  
"Stop. Just stop!" He begged. Despite his protests, she could see he was getting hard. Sarah was standing there next but all dried off and without a towel. Victoria dropped her towel too. Fuck. This needed to stop. Immediately!   
"What you don't find us irresistible?" Victoria inquired as she fell down on her knees and began undoing his pant zipper. He resisted at first before giving in once Sarah and Victoria start kissing each other and caressing his now thick member.

He knew he should stop this now but a part of him couldn't. It's not that he doesn't want to, he just wasn't thinking with the right head. They planned this, calculated it. They wanted him and they would stop at nothing to get him. He was aware it shouldn't be happening but it felt so good and he wanted it at the same time even though a part of him didn't.  
As Victoria took Duncan deep, he groaned and Sarah moved over to the couch. She started fingering herself and looked longingly at Duncan as he was still getting deepthroated. Victoria pulled away just as he regained his composure from the mind-blowing head. Duncan hadn't had sex with Michelle in almost 2 months now. As Victoria went over to Sarah and they finger-fucked each other, he watched, his cock twitching in anticipation. He stroked himself as Victoria went down on Sarah. It had been so long since he had seen two women fuck, years even. Besides the porn he watched which didn't count much, at least not really since it was all by virtual means.  
"Come join us, Duncan," Victoria beckoned with a come-to gesture with her hand. He tried to resist by Sarah got up and walked over to him, bringing him to the couch, and pushing him down before getting on top of him, grabbing a condom from her purse and sliding it on Duncan. When his dick met her entrance, she started to bob up and down on his cock as he moaned, in ecstasy, she had to muffle her screams by biting her lip and covering her mouth.  
"You look so hot bobbing up and down his cock," Victoria encouraged, as Duncan pushed into Sarah deeper, enjoying how she was making him feel. He had no feelings for her though, she was just someone there to fuck, to satisfy his needs. If he hadn't been drinking scotch he tried to convince himself he wouldn't have done this. Almost on the verge of cumming, he watched as Victoria fingered herself. They came almost simultaneously, and almost as soon as it first started, it was now over. Pulling away from each other, he started to gather his clothes. Well, he had done it. The betrayal would cut Michelle deep if she ever found out.  
Duncan poured himself a generous portion of scotch and downed it. A few minutes later he started to feel funny. Trying to stand up but failing, he fell back down onto the couch. The realization finally came over him that he had been drugged by these 2 girls. 'What crazy bitches' he thought.  
"Sleep well, Duncan," Victoria and Sarah both chimed in unison.  
"It will all be over very soon," Victoria added.

The house was completely trashed by the time Duncan woke up in the morning. He woke up with a slight pounding in his head and he realized he had been tied up with rope. Luckily, he was able to undo the knot and freed himself. The back door was open, and his dog, Sammy was gone. Fuck. Michelle was going to kill him. The betrayal was one thing but this was a whole other level. He hated himself so much in that instant. More than he ever had before. He didn't deserve her and she didn't deserve what he did to her. He felt like the lowest scum to ever walk the earth. She would never be able to forgive him for this and he wouldn't blame her. He knew that it was over. He didn't feel like he deserved to be happy. He had never cheated ever. He, of course, had thoughts of it but stopped himself back in high school when he first started dating. Throughout college, he remained single until he met Michelle senior year. One night stands happened for him sometimes but he never committed before her and just had fun. Living it up and partying got exhausting for him after awhile. Life was good for a bit, or so he thought. He wasn't good at doing relationships. His heart was set on running his family's empire. He was too busy for a relationship. But with age, he wanted to settle down. the party days were over. Duncan and Michelle had a drunken one night stand and threesome with an older woman they met at a work party over a year prior. He had no sexual contact with the other woman, but let Michelle have her fun. He didn't see it as a double-standard, he was alright with it, it was all about her pleasure to him anyway. Realizing that just maybe he wasn't ready yet for having a family and a committed relationship, he felt defeated. He threw his entire almost 3-year relationship away just to have a little fun. Thinking with his dick really was going to get him in trouble. No way was he interested before in having a poly relationship but maybe it would make more sense. On the other hand, Michelle meant so much to him. Going through a rough patch shouldn't mean an immediate breakup. then again cheating was unforgivable. His only serious relationship in high school with the girl of his dreams ended in her cheating. The college days he had were filled with illicit sex, rough sex, threesomes, and foursomes, but always with no attachments and of course condoms. Just fucking friends and with benefits. After that, he was able to keep it in his pants for Michelle until now. Awful was hardly enough to describe how Duncan was truly feeling at this moment. If he didn't tell Michelle what he did, perhaps those crazy bitches would. That couldn't get out he would be ruined, his relationship-his career-his life. All of it in shambles and he would the laughing stock of the town if this got out. No matter what he would need to be the one to tell Michelle and to ensure these floozies stayed silent. His family would be so disappointed in him. 

Later...  
2 missed calls, 1 missed skype call, 5 unread text messages from Michelle and 1 voicemail from Michelle.  
The voicemail she left was this: "I am so sorry about earlier. Sorry for acting like such a selfish jerk. I'm sober I swear. I just wish you could be here right now. I miss you and love you. Hope you aren't working too hard. I am so proud of you. I want to work our problems out when I get home. Please call me back. I love you."  
Life was about to get a whole lot worse. Trash- that's what he was. Michelle's heart was about to be broken forever. It was awful. Truly he loved her- he was in love with her. Now, he couldn't say that because despite how you feel, how could you love someone who you cheated on...


	3. Unraveling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to younger Duncan and Michelle. Duncan finds out what really happened to him the night before. Michelle and Duncan are reunited.
> 
> (Based on the song Unraveling by Sevendust.)

Flashback...  
Back when Duncan and Michelle had been dating almost a year.  
The event was for the Shepherd Freedom Foundation. Duncan had Michelle as his date. She looked gorgeous in her silver sparkly dress, strapless and with crystals. He was wearing a suit, of course, and the limo ride there was filled with some champagne, fruit, and the music of Lana Del Rey. To be honest, Duncan hadn't been a fan of Lana much since before he met Michelle. She helped him to discover a lot of new things already though such as food he wouldn't normally eat like sushi, things he wouldn't normally do like go in a hot air balloon, and learn a new language like Italian. With her, he felt invincible, like he was on top of the world. The night's event would be good but he was looking forward more to sneaking off with Michelle somewhere to talk and makeout. The end of the night would be the greatest though because she was going to stay the night and he was going to ask her to move in with him. He felt certain her answer would be yes and he hoped so even though they had only been together a few months. After arriving at the company party, they were greeted by Annette and Bill Shepherd. The event was in full swing and a lot of people seemed to be enjoying themselves, eating and talking. After making an appearance and having more champagne, they snuck off to a nearby balcony. It was so beautiful outside that night. The stars were shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Grabbing her from behind, he kissed her neck, she didn't protest. The feeling of his arms enveloping her made her feel safe. Annette might start to wonder soon where he went but he would let her worry. All he wanted now was to spend time with his girlfriend. They sat down and Michelle took off her high heels to relax.

"Its great being alone with you. I just want to make this moment last as long as possible," he told her.  
"I agree. There's something I want to tell you. When I was in high school I got exposed as being 'a dyke' after an ignorant jock found my diary and read it in front of the entire prom. It was awful. I slept with a girl and they found out. I'm not gay though and even if I was it shouldn't be a big deal," she vented with a bit of sadness in her tone.  
"That's awful. No one deserves that. I'm sorry. I know I didn't do it but still. Fuck them all. You have me."  
"You have me too. And thanks, Duncan. I do like women though. I fall in love with the person, not the gender."  
"I want you no matter what. I was going to ask you this later tonight but I don't want to wait any longer."  
And with that, he took out a box from his back pocket. Michelle was shocked. It was too soon to get married right? Maybe it was a promise ring. hating the anticipation, Duncan opened the box to reveal a key.  
"I want you to move in with me. Will you?"  
"Yes. I'd love to. I thought you'd never ask."  
They kissed and hugged. She felt like the luckiest girl alive.

The present...  
He needed to make things right. The trip he was going to take to Pennsylvania wouldn't happen now. He had to find his dog and find out what happened with Sarah and Victoria the previous night. It didn't seem like a coincidence that they would end up at his place. Nothing was adding up. What did they drug him with and why? Never did he think this could happen to him. Being such a good judge of character usually and knowing not to take anything that could have possibly been tampered with. His scotch though how did they do it? It didn't take him much longer to find out and he soon traced his dog's microchip and ID tag through the computer and online dog/animal tracking website. Sammy was not too far and at some house presumably only a mere 10 minutes away with no traffic. He soon got his keys, changed quickly into a t-shirt and new clean pair of boxers and pants. He was ready and prepared to do whatever it took to get his dog back no matter what the cost. After arriving at his destination, he turned off the engine and got out. The place he arrived at was in a nice and modest neighborhood. Did one of the girls live here? Maybe they lived together he surmised. There wasn't much going on in the neighborhood. It was quiet and there were a lot of flowers blooming. Stopping and listening, he tried to see if he could hear Sammy bark or make some sort of noise. Nothing. He was going into enemy territory now. Anything could happen and whatever was to come next he knew he wouldn't touch either of those girls again. The feeling he had was of uneasiness. The dog would be home safely soon and he could call or video chat with Michelle. Upon knocking lightly on the door, a door opened and an older woman who was blonde and smoking answered.  
"Looking for Sarah?" She asked.  
"Yes, she's a student of mine. My dog is here."  
"Oh, you must be Professor Shepherd. She isn't here right now. I'll go get your dog. She said you let her take her in for a bit but she didn't say why."  
"That's because she was going to walk her for me she volunteered to I'm very busy this week." He did his very best to try and sound as convincing as possible.  
She closed the door and soon came back with Sammy. She also had a note. Sammy greeted Duncan with hugs and kisses. He was so glad and overjoyed to finally have his dog back. If he didn't find Sammy he didn't know what he'd do or what Michelle would do either. They exchanged goodbyes and he made his way back to his car. Upon getting in and shutting the door, he opened the note and read it.  
"Knew you'd probably stop by. Call me at this number 730-239-4932."

There was no way he would enjoy doing this but he knew it would have to be done. After getting back home, he called the number.  
"Hello? Is this Duncan?" A rather annoyed sounding Sarah answered.  
"Go check your email. I'll release that video I sent to you. It's footage from last night. If you don't do what I say your girlfriend will see it. The whole school. The whole town even."  
"I need you out of my life. What do you mean you made a video of us? What the fuck are you talking about you crazy bitch?!" He was enraged now.  
"I'm not going to repeat myself so listen up. Watch the video, ask questions later. First thing I want you to do after you watch it is break up with your girlfriend Michelle."  
"How did you even know about her have you been spying on me? How were you so sure she wouldn't be there yesterday? Do you think I'm that dumb?" Duncan seethed through clenched teeth.  
"I need you to break up with her. I heard you in your office last week talking to her. I knew she would be leaving. It was the perfect chance to get you alone and I knew you wouldn't be able to resist me. It was a test and you failed. But don't worry Michelle knows nothing about it.. yet," she boldly claimed.  
Duncan clenched and unclenched his fists. He hated her in that instant so much.   
"Fine. But why? You sound a little obsessed with me. Are you in love with me or something?"  
"I wanted to fuck you. Not in love. There's a difference. You do have money though. Go watch the video and call me back later. I'll give you until the day after she comes back to break up with her officially. Then send me proof you've broken up."  
He hung up and fumed. She was insane. But he was a cheater. He went to go check the email immediately and quickly found the email and couldn't believe his eyes. In the video, Sarah was chained with handcuffs to the couch railing and Victoria was feeling. They were all panicked and acting like they were in danger. He could see himself nearby on the couch passed out. Then the next thing he saw was Victoria claiming Duncan had handcuffed Sarah up and refused to unlock her. Victoria claimed she hit Duncan knocking him out in self-defense so she could help her friend after that and needed to find the key. They made him look to be a monster and if this video got into the wrong hands no one would believe him. It would just make him look bad.

The week passed by with Duncan on edge, nervous, and paranoid about what would happen next. Life would go on and whatever happened next he would get through. A part of him felt he deserved it. Maybe he did. Did it have to be this difficult though? No one made him fuck his student and her friend but he did it anyway. It was one of the biggest fuck-ups of his life and he felt he would never live it down. He didn't deserve a relationship or anyone. He hated cheaters and he had become what he hated so much. After the week was over, she was due home. He picked her up at the airport. They exchanged hugs and a kiss. On the limo ride home, they held hands. It was almost as if she could read through him. It felt like he was so transparent, but she didn't find out and she didn't accuse him of anything. There were 2 texts from Sarah wondering what was going on and if he was going to end it soon. Ignoring both messages, he put his phone back away. Michelle promised him a surprise when they got home. After they arrived back at their place, she led him to her art room. Not going in there much or lately, this was new territory to him. There were paint cans, easels, and art supplies everywhere. It was quaint and her work including paintings and photography, still-lifes, etc. on the wall were so unique and one-of-a-kind. Her talent was superb and although he always knew she was a wonderful artist, he admired her work even more now. On the easel was a painting covered with a sheet. She unveiled the artwork and it was an intricately and beautifully detailed painting of them together. It was fantastic and one of the best things he had ever seen. Part of Duncan wanted to get back to normal, get couple's therapy if they had to which was probably a good idea, fall in love again. The realization that it was probably going to end and just be over after his confession of cheating on her though was so strong. Not being able to hold it in any longer, he collected his courage and told her the truth.  
"I love it but I have something to tell you." After taking a pause and a deep breath, he continued. "I cheated on you almost a week ago. I'm the biggest idiot," he got out, sounding full of despair and regret.  
"Duncan, I can't believe you would do this. I know I haven't been the easiest person to talk to lately but why would you cheat?" She tried as best as she could to hold the tears in, but it was no longer working. The tears came but she brushed them away and stood there angrily but also in sadness.  
"You have every right to hate me. I won't ever cheat on you again but I understand if you want to leave me. It wasn't with someone you know though. I had been drinking and it got out of hand." His pleas wouldn't work though. She wouldn't stay with him, she couldn't. Cheating was unforgivable because if they did it once they would surely do it again. And even if they didn't the relationship wouldn't get back to normal ever again.  
"I can't stay with you. You have to understand. I'll go stay with a friend for a few days then come back and pack up my stuff. I can't look at you right now. It's over," she told him coldly.  
Despite how much it hurt and how much it sucked, he knew it was bound to happen and he understood why. It was over and he understood her reasons. He just wondered if he could ever be happy again. If you loved something you fought for it but sometimes broken hearts couldn't be mended or put back together.


	4. Love left me hollow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michelle confessing to her friend about the cheating, Duncan finds out Michelle's secret, another flashback of Michelle and Duncan
> 
> Based on the song Hollow by Breaking Benjamin.

It was beyond over. She had all her stuff moved out and she wouldn't be going back ever again. What he did was unforgivable and she wasn't about to mend fences with someone who betrayed her. Being cheated on was the worst and she had been cheated on in the past by numerous people. It wasn't going to keep happening or at least not happen again with the same person because she wasn't weak enough to give them that power over her. Duncan would probably try to contact her again. He had, in fact, sent a few text messages but he wasn't relentless or constant about it. The messages ranged from "I miss you" and "I'm sorry" to "I love you" and "I can't stop thinking about you." It was almost enough for her to change her number. That would serve him right. Just when he thought she was possibly going to answer, the return message to him would be error "phone number not in service." It was what he deserved but she wasn't going to change it yet. There was a part of her that still wanted to tell him she hadn't been taking her birth control pills. She felt somewhat dirty being dishonest to him and she was going to tell him but then she found out that he cheated. It was on her conscience but she had more important things on her mind at the moment. Healing a broken heart was never easy. She had moved away from DC and most of her friends and family especially. It sucked big time. Thankfully he didn't know where she was staying or who she was staying with. There was always that chance of crossing paths with him again though. She wasn't fully prepared for it but if it were to happen, she would live. Rachel was her good friend and she was always there for her so staying with her was a welcome relief even if it was only temporary. She needed to be independent and find her own place. She never thought her life would come to this. Duncan was the one person she thought she could trust the most but she was oh so wrong.

All of her unpacking was pretty much done now. With Rachel, it was so easy to talk and communicate. It hadn't been that way with Duncan in months sadly. Nothing could be fixed with him or mended. It was good to have a friend to vent to. Seeing Rachel with her girlfriend made Michelle miss being in a relationship now but she was trying to do her best to be independent. It was difficult though when Duncan meant so much to her and even though she sometimes felt single while taken when she was with him and felt she was taken for granted, she missed him. There was always the possibility that hung in the back of her mind that if he hadn't cheated, there was the possibility they would've stayed together with therapy and proper communication with time. After sitting down to a dinner of pasta with Rachel and her girlfriend, Angela, Michelle was going to vent with them about Duncan. Some time went by, plates were getting cleared, and despite listening and nodding along, showing interest towards her friends, she felt alone.  
"Something seems to be on your mind. Want to talk about it?" Rachel asked earnestly.  
"I still can't get over him. He didn't even tell me who the other woman was. What if it was worse? What if there was more than one of them and on more than one occasion?" Even though she sounded bitter, she also felt she was burdening her friends.  
Rachel covered Michelle's hand with her's, reassuring her.  
"Sweetie, you'll get through this. You have us. He's a jerk. So many people are. Cheaters will come up with so many excuses," Angela promised.  
"I know some days will be worse than others but I'm so hurt. It's draining sometimes. I hate it."  
"We all go through that. We all have our off days. I'm sorry," Rachel added.  
"Thanks. I'm glad I have you both. I hope I can find true love someday."  
"You will. I know it. Any guy or girl who has the chance to be with you is the lucky one," Angela offered up.  
"I hope so. I want to believe it. I'm just not used to being alone."  
They gave each other a group hug and reassured Michelle it would be alright.

After tossing and turning all night, Michelle couldn't get so many things off her mind. What had happened with Duncan, the unresolved tension, what she had done because of her own selfishness. What he did was worse than what she did but he deserved to know the truth. Despite her better judgment, she decided to go see him at their former condo. She texted him on her way over that she was coming. He told her that he was there and waiting. What could she want? He was sure it didn't have anything to do with getting back together. The anticipation was killing him. When she arrived, he was grateful to see her. She didn't look too happy but that was to be expected. He didn't blame her either. Of course, she probably hadn't forgiven him at least not yet and she probably never would. After he opened the door for her, she came in almost reluctantly.  
"So many things were left unsaid. I have a confession to make."  
"I know you probably haven't forgiven me. I deserve that. What's going on?"  
They sat down on the couch. Her heart felt heavy with so many feelings and emotions. It was unfortunate that it had come down to this but it had. Once she got it all out there, things would get better, or at least she hoped they would. She needed some peace of mind at least even if he held it against her as a grudge.  
"During the last 3 months we were together and sexually active, I didn't use any protection, no birth control. I lied to you. I'm an idiot," she confessed, burying her face in her hands.  
"Look at me, please. I can't believe it. Why would you do that? I told you I wasn't ready for kids yet," he replied, sounding rather sad and betrayed.  
"I'm sorry. I'm a huge fuck-up too I guess. But you cheated," she replied breaking down. She couldn't let him see her like this.  
"You're right. I am and I never plan on cheating on anyone ever again," he swore.  
"I don't hate you but I can't forgive you. You don't have to forgive me either. I wanted a baby though. Part of me did. Don't worry though I visited a doctor weeks ago and it turns out I'm infertile," she told him, helpless. The tears were trying to come out but she wouldn't let them.  
"That sucks. I did want kids with you. Someday. Even adoption. I love you. You might never believe me but I still do."  
"I loved you too but I can't anymore. Not after everything that's happened. I need to go. Please understand."  
"I do. I'll never stop being sorry," he confessed.  
She nodded. Even though there would never be another kiss, another chance to make things right and to work through things, she felt compassion and love towards him deep down. She just wouldn't act on those feelings. The urge to hug him one last time was too strong. One last hug would be a good way to part. Before anything else could be said, she hugged him and whispered 'goodbye' in his ear. Tears started falling down her face and he was getting emotional as well. It was over. For real this time. Maybe one day they could at least try and be friends but then again, maybe not. Either way, their relationship on a romantic level was over and that chapter in their lives was closed.

Flashback to 4 months of Michelle and Duncan knowing each other and their 1 month anniversary back in D.C.  
Duncan and Michelle had been going to Georgetown University together. The relationship started out friendly and soon after grew into something more. Sparks flew and they caught feelings for one another. They were graduating soon, they spent the days getting coffee together, having late night study sessions, cooking and baking together, playing board games together, and having intellectual conversations about literature and art. They were good friends and classmates in art appreciation. She felt like one of the guys at first, a good friend, nothing more towards him until she caught feelings. They had just gone to an art museum and were going to go back to Duncan's place to spend the weekend studying for the following week's exams. He couldn't believe that he was almost done with college, had a steady and long-term girlfriend for the first time in his life, and he was content with how things were going. They had recently done the whole 'meet-the-parents' and it went well. Annette adored Michelle and her mom, Tiffany thought Duncan was a good and honest, hard-working man. Neither of their mothers were easy women to impress either. They were glad their mothers liked each other and the relationship they had, but despite this, even if they didn't have that approval, they would make it work anyway. The world could be such a cruel and dark place but they had each other. He realized that no matter what, even if they couldn't be in each other's lives eventually in the future for whatever reason in a romantic sense, they would still try to be there for one another when one of them needed the other.

They got some French food ordered and delivered back at Duncan's apartment. The dessert was creme brulee and by far the best food they had in awhile. They had a nice relaxing bath and Duncan washed Michelle's hair while they listened to classical music and enjoyed some wine. After Duncan read to her while she drew a self-portrait of him. Seeing him buried deep in a book, enjoying what he was reading, really showed and he loved how art brought out the best in her and how creative she was. Even though it was early on in the relationship, he felt like he could be with her int he future. No matter what he wanted her to be in his life. They made each other feel special and uplifted each other, encouraging each other over their passions. Sometimes you get only one chance at love and sometimes people never loved again. Serious relationships were new to both of them so they took things slow. Making love wasn't a priority but when the mood struck them, it was amazing. Enjoyable, loving, gentle, and sweet. Nothing about it was routine. They even discovered new things and kinks they had in the bedroom. Even though Duncan was more experienced sexually, this didn't bother Michelle. The thing about Duncan was that he wanted to settle down now and Michelle was such a great girl. When they first started to get intimate, Michelle wanted the lights turned down low or off. There was no reason for her to hide anything from him and he wondered why she wanted this. When she told him, he still cared about her deeply. The truth was, she was upset about her scars, acne, and birthmarks. They were beautiful to him and she was perfect just the way she was. The scars were there and there was nothing to be ashamed of. They were made in her past during a difficult time in her life but she needed to realize they weren't ugly or a turn-off. So he showed her just how much she meant to him and how beautiful she was by kissing each scar and mark, telling her he loved each one after each kiss. It made her feel special and loved. No other person had made her feel as beautiful as Duncan did. She was so ashamed before of being herself and being in her own skin but he changed that. Self-confidence for her became more apparent with time and with help from Duncan, he really knew how to make a woman feel special and like a goddess. Time went by fast when they were together and they appreciated every moment together. Those were the days.


	5. Forsaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter plot: Flashback of younger Sarah, Duncan deals with more blackmail from Sarah, a flashback of Duncan, and 2 ex-love interests.
> 
> Inspired by the songs Forsaken by Seether and It Ain't Me by Molly Gruesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sarah's backstory isn't an excuse for her character and it doesn't change what she's done at all. I don't want people to feel sorry for her. I just wanted to give some perspective as to what made her like the way she is.

The family Sarah had was awful, she hated them. Her home life was beyond total and utter chaos. She felt so helpless and that things were out of her control. She hated her father most of all. He was awful to her and her mother. Although her mother's drinking did help anyone any especially herself and those closest to her. The days went by painfully slow for Sarah for when she was in high school. Life sucked and she couldn't wait to get away from her family. Living in New York didn't feel like home to her because no matter how much time had passed, she still felt alone and uncomfortable in such a large city. Having hardly any friends didn't help her any either. Having her heart broken by so many people left her feeling loneliness and despair. Seeing a therapist wasn't helping even. Things would get better they said. Life would change and there would be brighter days. How could it get better though when your family hated you and you had no one... Her grades were poor, her friends just used her, her family was from a lower-class background, and school was pure hell. Not fitting in was, to say the least. What she yearned for was to be the popular girl, to feel special. Besides having poor self-image, she felt like she was always a joke to her peers. Either people treated her as if she didn't exist or as if she was someone who could easily be walked on and a pushover. It made her turn bitter and cold. One day she would show them all who she was- a force to be reckoned with. College was coming soon and besides figuring out how to pay it off, she was ready to start a new chapter in her life. Prom would be boring because she had no date to go with and her so-called friends all had dates so she would probably just skip it. The graduation ceremony was pointless too. People and their pointless traditions. Then she met Victoria in college. Victoria was great with computer skills and hacking the system to change grades. When it came to blackmail, Victoria was her go-to person. Having a crush on a teacher and wanting to use him happened before Duncan. Her tenth-grade biology teacher, Mr. Samuels, was her interest in high school. He had money and she knew how to get it out of him. Sex appeal always worked on guys, they were so weak. Wearing a short skirt and a revealing low-cut top always did the trick. If his wife found out she wouldn't be happy but she got a lot of great things from him, material possessions mainly, and the upper-hand of controlling him. Before her parents divorced, she was attacked so badly by her father on multiple occasions. The neighbors even called social services on him when it got so bad. It was a welcome relief except there was her mom to take care of and less money being made to support her and her mother. When she finally got off to college, she was able to make it through online camming and Patreon. It still wasn't enough, she wanted more money and Duncan would be her ticket to wealth. After being attacked and almost raped, then robbed after her short soiree into the world of being an escort right after she turned 18, Sarah decided to never trust anyone again. People were evil and she would rather cause pain than bear it herself. She would just be cold and distant, no matter what. Her now ex who she was dating at the time, got her into the business and he was a complete control freak and never cared about what she felt or what she wanted. When the scumbag tried to rape her, her boyfriend got mad and beat her. This incident fucked her up and even though she knew there was no excuse for her to become so bitter, she couldn't help it. People didn't deserve how she treated them and even though she continued to do it, it didn't change the fact that she was hurt. Hurt people hurt people.

It started as a whirlwind romance. It wasn't love at first sight but it was special and it was so great for a while. In high school, Duncan had fallen for the girl of his dreams. It didn't last though and his heart was shattered into pieces. He did care deeply for Rachel. She was his first love. He was serious about her but the feelings weren't reciprocated over time. It left him crushed and he didn't want to love ever again, he swore he wouldn't ever love again. Love hurt and what was the point in bothering if you were left alone when it ended up being just one-sided? The relationship was short-lived, but it was real to him. The dates they went on were great- he was feeling her. Turned out she was just using him for his family's wealth and their social status and hierarchy. It hurt when he found out she was cheating on him with multiple partners. And what was even worse and what added more insult to injury was that she wasn't remorseful- she didn't care. Each day after their breakup, it was depressing, dark, and he couldn't deal with it. It felt almost as if he was suffocating. No matter how much he struggled for air, he still couldn't find any on those days that it got really bad. He caught her in the act and when he found her with those 2 guys he was shattered. How could someone be so cold and heartless? And even worse, she showed no remorse. She just didn't care. Some people say to love once is better than no love but that's a lie. He once felt pure joy in the safety of her then his heart got ripped out and then they fucking hated each other. The hate ran deeper than the love ever did. Then he refused to speak about her to anyone again. He fell in and out of love fast. That past had kept him from getting close to most until Michelle came along, but of course, he had to ruin that. The blackmail from Sarah was fucked up, to say the least, but he knew he would overcome this. Somehow, someway he had to get revenge and take his life back. It was going to be a tough road ahead but if he got her back then he could mend his life again, hopefully.

In college, Duncan fell for his poli-sci professor in the first semester of freshman year. When he was around her, he felt like he could be himself. The class wasn't very challenging and he didn't need any extra credit to raise his grade, but he did want to be with her- Professor Williams. The thing about her that attracted him most was her confidence and intelligence. She was tall 6'2" and she had hazel eyes along with Hispanic heritage. His feelings were reciprocated. One day after class, Miss Williams wanted him to stay late so he did. Knowing it couldn't be about his grade he knew there was a good chance she had something else on her mind. Williams was 30 at the time and Duncan was 19 and the age difference was big but he still really liked her anyway. As far as he knew, she didn't have a boyfriend and she wasn't engaged. At least there was no ring to indicate that she possibly was engaged to anyone. It started innocent enough between them. At first, she wanted him to stay and help her with grading because she needed an assistant and he gladly obliged to help her out. The job was pretty simple and before long she was coming on to him. She would do this by lifting her skirt, loosening the buttons on her blouse, and intentionally bending over so her cleavage would be unavoidable for him to see up close. Their rendezvous began in the classroom but expanded to her car, his apartment. They were super secretive around others though, in school especially as well as outside of school. It was innocent enough- they showed each other a good time, had great sex, and eventually led to him finding out she had a secret lover. The relationship ended abruptly after finding out this news. No matter what and no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't be happy and he didn't know what to do. This ended up leading him to a lot of hookups and casual sex. If he didn't get close and just had one-night stands then he couldn't be hurt. It got lonely after some time and he wanted to find love again but he remained cold. Then Michelle showed up when he was in his senior year of college. In the past, she had similar experiences with heartbreak. They shared a special bond and took things slowly by starting their relationship as friends. When their relationship started, they were crazy about each other. Even though they took things slowly, they both thought that dating each other exclusively was one of the best decisions that either of them had ever made. If only he could have a time machine and go back to reverse things. Maybe then, just maybe things would be able to be fixed and then he wouldn't have cheated. Just one more chance. Maybe in another life.

Another day, another reason to hate life. Waking up was painful to him now, he detested it. Life would never be the same again. His bed still smelled like her, their bed. Her scent was a faint reminder of what once was-what he missed. After having his coffee, he checked his iPhone and saw a message alert from none other than Sarah. 'Great, what did the crazy bitch want this time?' he thought. The message read: "I want to see you after class. If you want to have that video stay private then you will listen to everything I have to say." Today was going to be another day of work and another class with her. Every day that he saw her in his class, he did his best to avoid eye contact with her. The video she had of him, blackmailing him still existed and she could so easily use it to expose him. Every hour of every day he was worried about what she would do with it and if it would be released. As fucked up as the video was, some part of him felt he truly deserved it. Cheaters did deserve nothing and no one after all. Instead of telling Michelle, he just kept it inside of him. All his grief and anger was growing so strong it was as if he might explode. The lesson he had planned went well with no interruptions. The class was going to end in 5 minutes and he decided to dismiss everyone early. Better to get this meeting with Sarah over with as soon as possible. No more putting things off. Of course today of all days she just had to be wearing a short skirt and low-cut top. By no means was he a slut-shamer but she was putting it all out there for him. There was no way he was going to have sex with her again. It made him feel disgusted just thinking about it and the possibility. As she got closer to him, he clenched and unclenched his fists and jaw simultaneously. The air was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Look, here's the deal. You did a good job. Breaking up with your girlfriend since I told you to. It's almost as if I can get you to do just about anything. I thought you would be different. I guess I was wrong. You are just like every other guy," she mocked as she twirled her hair with a finger and got closer to him until she was practically close enough to sit in his lap.  
She was crazy if she thought she would get away with this. Yes, sex was every guy's weakness but she was just as pathetic for seducing a taken man who was slightly inebriated.  
"You need to back off. What do you want? Money? Fine. Maybe you need help with paying for your college tuition. I can fix that," he shot back.  
"Exactly what I was thinking. You read my mind so perfectly. That will do. For now. So this is what I want. For you to put money in my bank account. I'll send my PIN details and such soon."  
"Then you'll leave me alone? How much money do you want?"  
"Hmm I guess for starters and the first week or so $10K will hold me over well," she replied sounding rather satisfied.  
"Fine. In exchange, I don't want to see you in any of my future courses. Deal?"  
"We'll see. Bye Professor Shepherd."  
His life couldn't get any worse. What would she ruin next...


	6. The Blackening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback of younger Michelle, Duncan and Michelle arrive at the outpost and meet Michael.
> 
> Inspired by the song the Blackening by Raven Black.

The whole week went by in a blur. Then it was over and next thing they both knew, Michelle and Duncan were being picked up by these mysterious men in black and escorted to black vans, then taken to get on a private jet to who knows where. The men had only told them they were wanted at outpost 3. Not knowing what any of it meant, they went with them, not knowing what else to do. The news had, after all, revealed there were explosions, and soon after getting in the limo, they were flying away to California to be escorted to their bunker to meet the Antichrist, Michael Langdon. They came for Duncan first, then Michelle. When they first saw each other again, they were at a loss for words, then they both broke down and hugged each other for comfort. They had no idea why there were selected. Could it be for their money? They were both rich but this didn't make sense. Neither of them believed in the end times before but times were changing and quickly. There was a nuclear explosion that happened right before their very eyes, soon after flying away. Life was moving in slow motion. Now at least, Duncan wouldn't be blackmailed by Sarah. It was all so horrible, it couldn't get much worse. At least they had each other though. Things were so surreal. Just the prior week, Michelle had been hanging out with her friends doing art. In the meantime, Duncan was busy with his classes. He was on the verge of quitting and getting away finally from his past. Even though he wanted Michelle in his future, he didn't even realize it was possible until now. When they arrived at the outpost, they were automatically given gas masks and black suits to put on with matching boots. Upon providing verification and ID's, they were escorted into the testing center at the outpost 3 to be given radiation tests, which they both passed with flying colors. It was all a pretty scary experience, to say the least. When they got past that checkpoint, they next met Venable. She was rather interesting, beautiful, with a cold demeanor. She was bitter and seemed to be troubled by something. Who could blame her though when they were all reduced to this life now? There seemed to be no chance of being saved or life beyond this one or a future for them even in the real world. Her sidekick and second-in-command, Ms. Mead was also prone to have a troubled temperament. The other residents in the outpost included Gallant- the gay hairstylist along with his grandmother Evie, Coco- the rich heiress, Mallory- Coco's assistant, Stu, and his boyfriend Andre, along with Timothy and Emily- two younger residents. Most importantly of all, there was Michael Langdon. He hadn't made his appearance yet but he had made it quite well known through Venable's announcement about him and his soon arrival. He was described as being charismatic, their possible future chance at survival, and the one who would make selections about who would possibly be coming to the sanctuary. Everyone was curious as to what he looked like and why he was so special. Soon they would all find out and for some, it would mean salvation, for others it would mean doomsday. They were each served their daily meal of one cube each which supposedly contained all the nutrients they needed, but by no means did it satisfy their hunger in the slightest. A few more days went by with being in the study, listening to the same song on repeat, and it also consisted of their one daily meal or cube.

Dating of any kind was forbidden and copulating was not allowed. They had to resist the temptation at all costs and failure to do so would lead to their execution. For the most part, Michelle stayed away from Duncan and they rarely talked. It was partly due to them not wanting the other outpost guests, especially those in charge, to find out of their past romance with each other. Another reason was that they didn't want to drudge up the past or open up old wounds. They found ways to cope on their own by getting to know the other residents. So far, Michelle had taken a liking to Mallory, also Duncan and Gallant become friends. Even though Gallant knew Duncan wasn't gay, it didn't stop him from subtly flirting with him sometimes when Venable and Mead weren't looking. The next day, Michael arrived at the outpost. He looked rather powerful with his red jacket, black boots, and his suit. The rings he wore gave off an aura of power as well. There was just something about him that drew Michelle in. After making his arrival, he took a stand at the head of the table to make his announcement while the fire in the fireplace burned its golden embers. As he cleared his throat, everyone sat silently and gave Michael their full undivided attention.

"My name is Langdon, and I represent The Cooperative. I won't sugarcoat the situation. Humanity is on the brink of failure. My arrival here was crucial to the survival of civilized life on Earth. The three other compounds... have been overrun and destroyed," he stated matter-of-factly.  
"What happened to the people inside?" Timothy asked.  
"Massacred. The same fate that will befall almost all of you. In the knowledge that this very moment might occur, we built a failsafe... The Sanctuary. It has certain security measures that will prevent overrun. All that matters is that The Sanctuary will... survive, so the people populating it will survive, so humanity will survive," he calmly spoke as if to reassure them.  
"Who are the people who are populating it?" Andre questioned.  
"Also classified. However, I have been sent to determine if any of you are worthy and fit to join us. The Cooperative has developed a particular and rigorous questioning technique we like to call... 'Cooperating.' I will then use the information gained to determine if you belong."  
"What is this, The Hunger Games? This is bullshit. I paid my way in here, and that is the only cooperating I plan on doing," Coco rudely remarked.  
"You don't have to sit for questioning."  
"What happens if we choose not to?" Timothy asks.  
"Then you stay here and die," Michael bluntly answered.  
"I volunteer to go first," Gallant boldly proclaimed.  
"And so you shall. The process should only take me a couple of days, so you won't be kept in suspense forever. For those of you who don't make the cut, all is not lost. If the worst should happen and feral cannibals come knocking, down one of these." In his hand is a glass vial with some kind of white pills in it. He continued: "One minute later, you fall asleep and never wake up. I look forward to meeting each and every one of you." There was no room for questions and no time to debate. His word was the new law now.  
Gallant was interviewed and when he left the room, he had a huge grin on his face. Everyone else waited in anticipation to see who would go next. Hours later, Venable found Michelle and told her Michael was ready to see her now. She obeyed, got up, and made her way to his office. She was so nervous. What if she failed? What if he didn't like her?

It was time to find out and Michael wasn't exactly a patient man. After entering his office, he looked at her, up and down, pleased at what he saw. He did give everyone an equal opportunity and fair chance at their interview, but there was something about her that he found captivating. After looking at her file and record as presented to him by the cooperative, he knew there was something she was hiding and he intended to find out what it was. After sitting down opposite her in his black leather chair, he looked at her in the eyes and began the interview.  
"If you lie, I will know. If you hedge, I will know. Only tell me the truth. First question. Why do you think you are here?"  
She tried so hard not to be nervous but she just couldn't help it. He just did something to her.  
"To have a chance at salvation. I think its because of my money. Or because I have something in me that's special I don't know yet."  
"I see. That's partly the reason why. Second question. Are you an ex-girlfriend of Duncan Shepherd the other outpost guest staying here?" He stared her down, not relenting.  
"Yes. He's my most current ex."  
"What's the reason for the break-up?" Michael asked curiously.  
"Because he cheated on me. With one other girl as far as I know. There could be more," she replied with sadness in her tone.  
"That's unfortunate. Next question, do you think you belong at the sanctuary? Why or why not?"  
"I don't think I deserve to be. If there's the purpose of procreation involved I am not a good candidate. I am infertile."  
"You don't need to be fertile or able to reproduce to belong at the sanctuary. And finally, tell me what is the worst thing that's ever happened to you?"  
She wanted to look away from him, but she couldn't. He had her drawn in and she couldn't look away, and she wasn't even sure if she wanted to.  
"When I was 19. I had a miscarriage. I wanted to keep the baby. I couldn't though. It was awful," she confessed as she blinked back her tears that were starting to come.  
"Why? What happened?" He asked, concerned.  
"I went out with this one guy on a few dates right when I started college. I got pregnant unexpectedly. I didn't want to lie to anyone but I kept it a secret from most people. I thought he might want to be in my life and the baby's so I told him. He threw me down the stairs." She couldn't help but start to break down in quiet sobs.  
"You've been very honest with me and I'm sure that story was difficult to tell. Don't worry though you've given me a lot to think over and to consider. If you must know, there's a good chance you won't be left here."

He dismissed her from the interview and opened the doors. She was still in shock. She had barely told anyone that story of her miscarriage before, not even Duncan. She wondered what would happen next. Did she even want to know? Maybe she would be better off not knowing. Duncan would probably have his interview soon and he was going to have to face an interrogation of his own. What if Michael wanted her back to be interviewed? With Duncan next time? She didn't think she could face Duncan again and especially Duncan with Michael there as well. Michael was so charming, clairvoyant, and easy on the eyes. He seemed like a good man. He had a mysterious aura to him and she wanted to know more. Perhaps, she would be safe. She wondered who else would and would not make the cut. Was she convincing enough? She didn't lie to Michael at all, not even one half-truth. It wasn't up to her anymore though. When she had the miscarriage, her life turned upside down. She didn't feel like doing much of anything or going anywhere. She even developed a slight eating disorder for a short time. Her parents got divorced and she was even placed on temporary academic probation. No one understood what she was going through. Her past was something she wanted to put behind her and forget, but no matter how much she tried, that just wouldn't happen. As for Michael, well he felt pity for Michelle. She deserved better than Duncan, that was for sure, but he wasn't here to play matchmaker and he didn't have time to waste on bringing them back together. Sure, he would give it a shot through a one-time meeting with them both together, but then he had more important things to do to bring upon the new world and the sanctuary plans to fruition. It seemed that Michelle just needed a place where she felt wanted like she belonged. It was possible to give her that but for now, he was undecided on his selections. The attraction she felt towards him was strong and there was no denying that. Michael had also felt deeply for someone in his past. He wondered if he would ever see her again but knew it was probably never going to happen. She betrayed him and stayed with her coven. Her name was Madison Montgomery.

It had been so long since Duncan had seen Michael. On one trip to Los Angeles back when he was 21, he visited on a vacation and in L.A. he met Michael at a bar. They became fast friends but they didn't stay in touch for more than a year after they went their separate ways. Duncan wondered if Michael would remember him. Because of this, he assumed that this was one of the reasons why he was at the outpost. The money he had and wealth he had accumulated also made sense though.  
The next day, they resumed their routine as outpost guests. The day went by with hunger pains and boredom like the days always passed. One day melted into another and no one even knew what day it was anymore. Today Michael was going to interview Duncan. In all honesty, Duncan was nervous and Michael did remember him. After getting the go-ahead to go to Michael's room and meet him, Duncan walked slow and before he could even knock, Michael opened the doors.  
"I've been expecting you. Sit down. If you lie, I will know. If you hedge, I will know. Only tell the truth." Michael sat down across from Duncan, behind his desk.  
"Understood."  
"Tell me why do you think that you are here?"  
Duncan contemplated for a second thinking about why he could be in the outpost but how not to sound lame.  
"To be tested. Also because I have wealth. And I remember you. We used to be friends."  
"Correct. You may wonder how I still remember you but I do. Even though we haven't talked in years, I looked you up before the blast and went through your records. You made a good life for yourself. You're smart, rich, seemed to have a picture-perfect life."  
Michael had his eyes directly on Duncan's, his gaze not leaving Duncan's.   
"You're right. I did until my last relationship ended. I cheated," he pathetically admitted.  
"I know. Your ex-girlfriend left you. If it's alright with you, I would like to get you both together soon to meet with me 2 on 1. Do you think your relationship could start again? Would you want that?" He asked Duncan, his tone curious.  
"I would like that. I was hoping for that. I regret what I did with 2 of my students. I was an idiot. I don't deserve another chance but I'd like one."  
"Good. Tell me what's the worst thing you've ever done?"  
"There are a few things. Embezzling funds with my family the Shepherd Foundation, hooking up with a woman much older than me when I was only 19, my professor at the time. Most of all I regret the cheating on Michelle," he confessed with regret in his voice.  
"I bet you wish you could go back and change it all. Time can't be erased and I'm sure you know that. Frankly, if I was your ex-girlfriend I wouldn't forgive you. To me, cheating is unforgivable despite the circumstances and whatever caused it."  
"Do you think I have a chance of getting back together with Michelle?"  
"It's not up to me and I am the one who asks the questions. I think that will be enough for today though. You can go now."  
Duncan wondered what was in store for him in the morning but for now, he wouldn't worry because he wanted to have some time to himself to think. Of all the could have beens and should have beens, what was done was done and he was here now. He wondered if Michael tried to be intimate with Michelle in their meeting. He wanted to ask her but he knew it wasn't his business and if she did by chance do something with Langdon, she deserved to feel appreciated. Duncan wanted to hold her again, he wanted to do anything to have her back. He knew he probably wouldn't though.


	7. Familiar Taste of Poison/Reckoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan and Michelle get some quality time together at the outpost and see Michael.
> 
> Inspired by the songs Familiar Taste of Poison and Reckoning by Halestorm. Also lyrics from If I Die Tomorrow by Motley Crue.

It was the day that Michelle and Duncan would be able to see each other again and get to talk as outpost residents under the watchful eye of Michael. Upon waking up, Michelle felt numb and like a piece of her was missing. She didn't sleep very well and was restless most of the night. Duncan was going to be trying to get her back, she presumed. It was a conversation she wasn't sure she was ready to have because it might be uncomfortable and could even lead to her feeling worse. Duncan himself had his doubts and felt that Michelle would never want to speak to him again after what he was planning on telling her more details about the cheating. He was practically the last guy on earth, she didn't have to take him back, forgive him, or do anything with him. It just hurt so bad that he had ruined it and he realized it was the biggest regret of his life. He felt he was probably going to die alone. Why would Langdon ever pick him to go to the sanctuary just because he used to be friends with him? After making their way to Michael's room, he welcomed them in. The fireplace was burning bright. The atmosphere felt dark and it was almost as if a sinister presence was afoot. Michelle could barely even look at Duncan and he understood why. It was as if they were complete and total strangers.

"I'm sure you both already know why you are here. You have a history together and you both have things to tell the other. I am good at detecting liars and see right through people. You will get a chance now to share more with each other, things you couldn't confess before. Who would like to go first?" Michael asks firmly.  
"I would. I have something I never told anyone before Michael. I should have told you first though Duncan. I wanted to but I didn't know how to."  
"Please don't be scared, you can trust me. I know it doesn't feel like it but you know that you can," Duncan reassured Michelle.  
Michael just nodded his head in agreement.  
"Back when I started university I got pregnant. The guy who was the father I thought would be there for me. I got hit and thrown down the stairs and then I had a miscarriage. It's one of the worst moments of my life," she confessed clearly distraught with bitterness in her voice.  
She starts to bury her head in her hands. All Duncan wanted at that moment was for her to look at him.  
"Is that why you might be infertile now? I'm so sorry that it happened to you. You didn't deserve that." He craved her touch and wanted to hold her. Make her pain go away.  
"It probably was. I just wanted a baby so badly. I wanted one with you. I still have feelings for you, Duncan."  
Being here really put things into perspective and Michael was the one who helped put it all together. Michelle realized she still wanted Duncan but things wouldn't be that easy.  
"I wanted a baby too but you deserve so much better than me anyway. You shouldn't want me anyway."  
He wasn't sure he completely believed this, but he knew that after what he was about to tell Michelle, she wouldn't want him and probably wouldn't believe the blackmail part anyway.  
"I wanted you. I still do. I gave so much to you but you messed it up."

_I tell myself, that you're no good for me_   
_I wish you well, but desire never leaves_   
_I can fight this to the end, but maybe I don't wanna win_

"I'm sure this was very hard for Michelle to tell you. You are right though, Duncan. You don't deserve her." Michael's demeanor was rather cold but Duncan felt he deserved it.  
"He's right. I'm a horrible man and a terrible person. I still have more to tell you about what happened that night I cheated."  
"What? It's even worse than what you told me before?" She asked shocked.  
"It was. I cheated with 2 students of mine. They were 19. They came over saying they needed help. I let them in. I had been drinking scotch. It got completely blown out of proportion. They seduced me. I'm not gonna sit here and act like I did nothing wrong but they are partly to blame," he confessed with distress in his tone.

She thought it couldn't get any more awful than just one girl but 2? And his students of all women he could have cheated with? It felt like even more of a betrayal. There had to be more to the story though. When she was gone at her art show and desperately wanted Duncan to be there he was in the arms of not one but two other women... The betrayal cut her like a knife. It wasn't love with Duncan it was a perfect illusion. Maybe what they had in the past was love at one point she was even in love with him but over time it lessened, it diminished until it was nothing. The tears were so difficult to hold back now but she tried her best. She couldn't let him break her. She couldn't let him see what he had done to her had cut her more deeply than almost anything ever had before.

_Cross my heart, broke your promise, told me lies_   
_Why did you watch me suffer, make me feel like I deserved to?_   
_But trusting you was no one's fault but my own_

"I hate what you did to me but I can't hate you. I'm going to be the bigger person. Was there anything else that happened I should know about?"  
"Yes. There's more to the story. I was drugged. I have the email if only I could show you the video they recorded blackmailing me. They drugged my scotch and then I passed out after having sex with them. One of them was handcuffed and they acted on video like they were scared, that I did it to them and that they needed to find the key and get away. I was passed out in the video."  
She couldn't believe it. She felt bad for him but he had cheated so what would stop him from lying to her too? She hoped that he was being truthful in a way but she didn't know what to believe anymore.  
"If that's true then I don't blame you for that. That's awful. I couldn't imagine having that happen to me. So they blackmailed you? Why? What were they getting out of it?" She was a bit confused.  
"They did it because they wanted money from me. Please believe me."  
"He's telling the truth it happened. I know people's deepest and darkest secrets. If you wanted to Duncan, you could show her the video from your email on my laptop."  
Duncan just nodded in agreement. Soon he was logged in and she had watched the video. She couldn't believe it. Those girls really thought they could get away with doing what they did. Duncan wouldn't be violent toward any girl or hold her against her will.  
"I believe you. I hate that this happened to you but it still doesn't change the fact you cheated."  
"You actually believe me? You don't think those girls got taken advantage of?"  
"It's obviously bad acting. I know you wouldn't do that."  
"Society would see it and automatically take the woman's side. That's how it is especially in recent years."

Michael interrupted.  
"I should tell you both something. I know things about people I can read them like a book. Wanna know why? I'm the Antichrist."  
"You mean son of satan, the devil, the son of all that's evil? The Antichrist?" Michelle asked puzzled.  
"Yes, I am. I see things. I know things. I feel like a force is coming soon. A powerful force. A coven."  
"Like of witches?" Duncan asked curiously.  
"They aren't here yet. The Halloween party is tonight. You both should go get ready."  
Before Michelle could leave, Michael tapped her on the shoulder and said to her  
"Don't eat the apples. Whatever you do, don't do it."

She swallowed and started to think. Were they poisoned? Should she tell Duncan? After all, Michael had told her in confidence about not consuming them. She knew she should tell him. She didn't want him to die. She wouldn't see him again until the party. It was all so confusing. If there was a plan set in motion to not eat the apples then she didn't know how she would be able to avoid it. Once Venable and Mead saw her not cooperating, they would surely do something to her. Unless Michael stepped in and stopped it. Just thinking about the party made a chill rush down her spine. Why was this happening? Was she being set up? Or would she find her demise if she so chose to disobey Michael and eat the apple? He did like to give tests. Was this one of them? She wanted to avoid the party, to not go at all but that wasn't possible. After getting ready for the party that night and putting on her costume which was a black dress with a black masquerade mask that had feathers on it, she made her way down to the party. Everyone was wearing a mask. It was so surreal to be at a party with him again. It had been ages since they had gone to any social gathering or gala, it seemed. Life was so weird now. Everyone was dancing and had found a partner. Everyone was taken except for Duncan. She made her way over to him and they began dancing, close but not too close per Venable's ridiculous no-contact request. Even though they had been through so much, and even though he had fucked with her mind, betrayed her, she still felt some kindness towards him. She couldn't even explain it herself and she wasn't sure she would ever be able to. Venable and Mead were watching everyone like hawks. It was annoying. The music was rather loud so she wasn't sure how to tell Duncan about the probably poisoned apples.  
The music was all of a sudden turned down and Mead and Venable were upstairs looking down at them all with a silent demeanor as a big bucket of water and apples were brought out.

After Mallory had bobbed for her apple Venable interrupted.  
"Let's all wait... until each person has had an opportunity to participate in tonight's activities.  
Then we will feast together like civilized beings."  
Flashback to the apples being gathered.  
"The venom will enter the bloodstream through their digestive tract... causing an immediate breakdown of their nervous systems and the lining of their stomachs." As Venable is saying this, the apples are being injected with shots of poison.  
Back to present  
After everyone had bobbed for apples even with much dismay from Michelle, they all waited for Venable to speak again.  
"We give thanks to the Cooperative for this blessed fruit and the bounties they have bestowed upon us. Shelter from the nuclear storm and the savagery that threatens our borders. Our humanity. It is time to enjoy our good fortune. You have your treat."  
Just as everyone was about to take a bite, Michelle mouthed to Duncan  
"Its poison."  
Everyone ate except Michelle and Duncan.  
"What makes you think either of you is special and don't have to participate in tonight's activities?" Venable threateningly questioned as she looked on at them in disdain.  
As she was finishing up with her speech, the other guests were convulsing, shaking, and vomiting as they started to all drop dead. Michelle knew they were screwed at that point unless something- some sort of miracle were to save them.  
"I won't," Duncan protested.  
"I'm not going to," Michelle refused.  
"Very well then I will take you both out by other means," Venable rudely remarked.

Not even a few more minutes had passed before Michael had entered the room. Mead drew her gun but by some power or force, the gun which was pointed at Michael's head ended up being drawn to Venable's chest and three shots were fired. She dropped down in a heap, dead and lifeless.  
Michelle cried out in agony and Duncan caught her in his arms before she fell. There was so much blood. All of the dead bodies were an awful sight. It was so sick. The smells were sickening it smelled like gunpowder and death.  
"You saved us, Michael," Michelle managed to utter as she was in tears. She almost didn't tell Duncan and she didn't know why. Just because he cheated and she was angry with him didn't mean she hated him or wanted him to die.  
"I did. And you are only here still because of me, don't forget that."  
Duncan and Michelle both nodded in earnest.  
"Looks like this is a mess I have to clean up now. You should both retire to your bedrooms for the night."  
They both eagerly agreed but as they made their way to their separate bedrooms and once they were out of Langdon's sight, Michelle made her way to Duncan's room instead.

"What are you doing here?" He asked genuinely confused.  
"Because I can't be alone right now. I don't think you should be alone now either. We should talk."  
"Ok talk. I'm listening."  
"Langdon told me the apples were poisoned. I had to tell you but I didn't until the last minute. I'm so sorry," she told him somberly.  
He went over to hug her. Breathing in her scent, feeling her this close to him, feeling her beating heart, was so familiar and welcoming. It felt like coming home. It felt like it used to be like it was supposed to be still.  
"I would've done the same probably if I were you. Don't feel bad. You told me and that's what matters."  
"Can I sleep in here with you tonight? I don't think Langdon will come and catch us."  
"Of course. I'll give you your space though."  
"I don't want that. What if I wanted more?" She asked with genuine curiosity.  
He cradled her chin in his hands as she looked into his eyes and reached up on her tiptoes to kiss him. He deepened the kiss as she fell into his embrace.  
"I missed this," he commented with a sly grin.  
"Me too. Please hold me. Don't let me go."  
And he did hold her. Later that night they were awoken by a frantic and panicking Michael. He was clearly upset.  
"The witches they are here. No matter what don't leave this room unless I give you a command."

And just like that as soon as he had appeared and warned them about these witches, he was gone.  
Seeing Cordelia, Madison, Coco, and the other witches again including Marie Laveau made Michael enraged. Mead was with him and he was hellbent on taking them down. All he wanted was to destroy them. Dinah showed her devotion to Michael and her life was ended by Marie in an instant with her voodoo powers. It was over for Mead soon when she got thrown to the ground and decapitated, followed by Michael falling down next. Madison tried to take Michael down by shooting him with a gun and when he came back to life, her head was blown clean off by Michael and he was off to kill the witches who were still alive.  
When gunshots and blasts were fired, Duncan and Michelle held each other in fright. They were worried the world really was going to end for everyone including them soon. Wanting to say his peace before this could possibly happen, Duncan looked Michelle in the eyes ready to confess what he wanted to tell her most of all.  
"You would've made a great mom. I wish I could take it all back. We could've adopted. I hate what I've done so much. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." He sounded like he meant it and she believed him.  
"I know, Dunc. I wish we could go back but it's too late now. If we die then I want to be our last moments here on earth in your arms. I wouldn't have it any other way," she was clearly sad and also felt somewhat hopeful things would really be ok.  
"Would I have gotten another chance if we survived this theoretically or if we do survive?"

_If I die tomorrow, as the minutes fade away_   
_I can't remember, have I said all I can say?_   
_Your my everything, you make me feel so alive_   
_If I die tomorrow_

She nodded in agreement but before she could say anything else- everything faded to black. While they were saying their peace and sharing their last moments together- Michael had been taken down by the witches and went after Mallory in the bathtub after Cordelia took a knife to her chest and died. They were going back in time and things were going to change.  
To be continued...


	8. Maybe I should let you go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan and Michelle go back in time 6 months before the outpost but their relationship has still started to unravel. Will things be able to change for them or will their relationship be doomed?
> 
> (Side note): Michelle hasn't stopped using her birth control yet and Duncan hasn't cheated).
> 
> Inspiration from the song Snuff by Slipknot.

Things were going well in their relationship for the longest time, for years even, They were going over 3 years strong before things started to crumble- a little at first then all at once. It was awful. he loved her and wanted to be with her always but he was afraid he was going to lose her completely soon. He felt ashamed because his past kept creeping up on him. Those restless nights of no sleep and tossing and turning were awful. If only he could never have another night like this again he would give up just about anything. Just to be close with her again and bond with her- he would give up anything for her. Duncan's past was a dark place and he didn't wish to revisit it again because he hated his past life and despised his university experience most of all. Besides being adopted, seduced, and used by an older woman- his professor in early college was the worst for him. At the time he was just disappointed in relationships and the heartbreak of it all but that was mainly it. Looking back on it now when he was older he felt more than hurt he felt betrayed. It was wrong that his professor did what she did to him. Now he was losing the love of his life. He couldn't even make love to her like a man anymore, and she was pushing him away but they didn't talk about it. They barely talked about anything at all especially any of their problems and that led to creating an even deeper hole they couldn't seem to dig themselves out of. As for Michelle, she was growing apart from Duncan because of her past miscarriage but she didn't dare tell him about it because it was an awful part of her past she hated and wanted to forget. Try as she did she just couldn't bring herself to forget unfortunately and she just couldn't do that. It was shitty feeling so far away from Duncan even when he was right there in the same room she had her past resurface and she was reminded of it one day in the past several months. When she was on Facebook a suggested friend was the guy who she was going to have a baby with. Seeing his name and his profile picture triggered her. He looked older of course but she recognized him from the first name alone. She already knew she was infertile and she had a good idea as to why. It hurt her, it damaged her, it made her so ashamed and depressed. It shouldn't matter though she thought because Duncan didn't want a baby yet anyway. After almost 4 years of being together, he still didn't propose- he didn't even want a baby, probably not even adoption. Sometimes she wondered why she still stayed with him even though she still felt some love towards him it didn't feel like it was enough or that it would ever be enough. Sure there were friends and even some family members she could stay with at least temporarily until she got her own place. If she did decide to leave but she didn't want to go or leave him nor the relationship just yet she wanted to try to be with him- to hang on, at least for a little bit longer. And he felt the same way because as much as he tried to be with her still- she pushed him away. It was like they were barely even friends- they were more like acquaintances. It was almost too much to bear. Therapy or counseling would be the best option he thought. The next step was admitting out loud together they had problems and that they both needed help. Soon he would have this talk with her and then they would hopefully get professional mental help to strengthen their relationship again.

That night Michelle was taking a bath while Duncan had just finished his shower. They hadn't talked much that day just like most days in the past couple of months. Duncan was overwhelmed with his workload and needed to take some much needed time to de-stress. So while Michelle was soaking her worries away, he was busy on his laptop writing an important letter of recommendation for a student but all of a sudden his mind became pre-occupied with other things and he felt like satisfying his sudden urges and desires. He hadn't been getting any from Michelle but with the stress she was having as a new artist, he understood. It still didn't take away from the fact that he was a man with needs. So with a few clicks, he was on Xvideos a website largely devoted to professional porn but also some amateur stuff. After clicking through some random videos he found one with the pornstar Stoya and started to pleasure himself. Soon minutes turned into a half-hour and Michelle was drying her hair and when she had come to the bedroom and was waiting outside of the door, she heard the moans and groans and light screams. She soon discovered he was watching porn. Frowning and startled by this revelation she backed away from the door and went into the bathroom to cry only after locking the door behind her. She couldn't believe it and while she knew he probably did watch porn sometimes she didn't want to be around when it was actually happening. it was hurtful to her as well in a way because she wanted to fulfill his needs if she wasn't so broken herself. Many nights in the past unbeknownst to Duncan, Michelle cried herself to sleep. She felt rejected, also alone and some nights he would even sleep on the couch to get away from her she presumed. Why did he grow to despise her so much? It was like she was a stranger living in her own home. The realization she was completely alone started to occur to her. How did this even happen? After she downed a few bitter shots of vodka, she decided tonight she would be sleeping on the couch instead. After setting up herself on the couch with a blanket, she played some music on her iPhone. Soon after she was startled out of her reverie and on a sad song while she was almost half asleep by Duncan trying to get her attention by tapping her on her shoulder. She looked up at him with a neutral expression while also taking out her earbuds and pausing the music. He knelt down next to her.

"Look, I don't know why you are sleeping here tonight but you should come to bed. Please talk to me."  
"Ok, let's talk then. I feel like you care more about your porn than me," she confessed in a defeated tone as she put her iPhone to the side.  
"What? You heard me, didn't you? Sorry for not using headphones. I'm not addicted though and I can live without it. I'll stop watching," he swore to her.  
"So what? That doesn't solve anything you could just be saying that it doesn't mean you mean it..."  
"I promise you I'll try my best to quit ok. I can only try," he admitted dejectedly.  
"I want to believe you but I can't. Want to know what the real problem is? I thought you wanted me now you can barely look me in the eyes let alone touch me," she told him in a slightly icy tone as she pulls away from him even further.  
He deserved that icy tone and a cold shoulder from her and he knew it. He sighed in defeat. At this point he didn't know what to do anymore he really didn't.  
"Ok sleep here tonight but soon I want us to get counseling together. Therapy. We both need it."  
He decided he was going to be real enough for the both of them and try to help them the best he could through doing the best and only thing he thought would help them.  
"I don't want to break-up. I'll try it your way," she told him.  
He nodded and smiled slightly before walking away. Before he left the room though she called after him.  
"I'm sorry. I've been so distant and it sucks but I don't want to be. I have things in my past I'm too worried to talk about and I don't want to bother you with my problems."  
He quickly walked back over to her and sat down on the futon next to the couch. He was surprised but not completely. Her problems were his as far as he was concerned. He hadn't been exactly truthful either though. It worked both ways.  
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry ok? I care about you deeply still just some nights I don't want to be asleep in our bed and need to be alone. It's not you." He had past issues himself of course but didn't want to bother her with them- that could wait until therapy to discuss a bit of his past with her. Drudging the past up never helped anyone. Sometimes it did but at what cost especially with a past as dark as his...  
"Sign us up as soon as you can for next week. I want to do this."  
She didn't feel entirely like sleeping on the couch anymore but decided that it was probably the best decision at least for tonight. She was already tired anyway and after both her confession and his, she felt like this would be the best alternative for now.  
He wanted to hold her, hug her, something. Before he could even make his move though she got up and hugged him. He breathed in her scent, feeling comforted. She lied back down.  
"Sit with me a bit please."  
He did and soon she was almost half asleep. Before he could say anything else to her though, she started to drift off again. It might have been due to the shots of vodka she had earlier. He just tucked her in, putting a blanket on her and walked off forlornly to bed.

The next day Duncan signed them up for a counseling class with a therapist named Dr. Martin. She had a high success rate as well.  
The next week the therapy session the first one began on a Tuesday afternoon at 4 p.m.  
After sitting down in the chairs opposite the therapist and her desk, Duncan and Michelle sat ready to begin. Dr. Martin adjusted her glasses and got out a pen and notepad to make some notes in the session that would follow.  
"Tell me, Duncan, why do you think you are here today? What problems are you facing with Michelle and what do you want to tell her? This session is about clearing the air and admitting you both need help." The doctor said this in a tone that was in some ways encouraging,  
"I'm here because I want to get us both help I don't want to lose her. I want to make this relationship work and I'm pretty sure she does too. I want to tell her about what I've been silently going through even before I met her."  
"Go ahead, let us know. We are here to listen and not to judge. No matter what it is please get it off your chest."  
Duncan cleared his throat and crossed his legs before continuing as Michelle looked over at him with curiosity in her eyes.  
"Ok, when I was in college I was 19 and having a relationship with my 30-something-year-old professor. She meant a lot to me at the time. It ended and not until later did I realize just how wrong it was to be with her. I got so mad and depressed at the same time my mental health took a turn for the worse. I thought many times about hurting myself, even having frequent thoughts about committing suicide," he confessed with deep regret in his voice, still sounding hurt and shaken up about it.  
"Good I'm glad we have just started to scratch the surface. Now that you've admitted your problems would you say that because of these traumatic experiences and time in your life that you carried it over into your relationship with Michelle? Do you think it's gotten worse over the year just when you thought it was dormant and you had put it to rest you discovered it really wasn't over?" Dr. Martin asked.  
"Yes, I do. I want to hear Michelle's thoughts on this. I wanted to keep it buried deep inside me. I thought I could handle it, that it would just go away. I wish it would."  
"I think you should've told someone you should've gotten help, Duncan. I don't think I can help you but you really need to talk to someone. I'm sorry that happened to you," she spoke in a comforting tone.  
"Thank you. And I know I want to get the help I really do. I tried an online crisis chat and a calling service several times and it helped me for a while but it didn't help at least not for long I guess." He sounded defeated, almost as if he wanted to give up.  
"I think there are problems that run deeper than just this. Before either of you go today I want to plan some future appointments to meet with both of you and for Duncan to get separate appointments with a different therapist who specializes in depression. Understood?"  
Duncan nods his head in agreement and so does Michelle.  
"I have something to confess. I have a dark past too. I tried to cover up my problems which just made them worse. I was bullied for my sexual orientation. I consider myself pansexual. Besides bullying and dealing with my sexuality and Duncan knew that part. I also deal with being adopted. Duncan does too. Not only that my adoptive father committed suicide. It always hurt me deeply. He always felt like a real father to me even though he wasn't. I want a family of my own but I think I'm infertile. I had a miscarriage with a boy in college before Duncan. He didn't know that." As she spoke she looked Duncan in the eyes as best as she could. It felt like a wave of pressure was pulled off her shoulders, it felt really good.  
"I can't believe it. Do you think you're infertile now? I could tell you wanted a family so badly. I'm sorry though. You shouldn't have to deal with any of this." He wanted to make it better, he really did but he wasn't sure how. He could barely even control his own sex drive. When she pushed him away it caused him to be in even more pain, anguish, and grief because of it. It hurt him deeply. Now he understood why she went all of those months without being intimate with him, let alone barely even touching him in any shape or form.  
"It's not your fault. I do think I'm infertile. I have an appointment set up with the doctor for next week actually to find out."  
"I appreciate the honesty, Michelle. I will put you in touch with a therapist as well as dealing with these types of issues. Now I want to talk about any other reasons why you both think your relationship has gone downhill. Just be honest."  
Duncan cleared his throat to begin.  
"I have strong feelings for Michelle still of course but I have needs. I can wait for her no matter how long it takes. I face temptation as a man, even as a human being but I'll be faithful to her. But I think I have a porn addiction," he admitted feeling ashamed.  
"That can be helped, Duncan. We can help you here. You've both been very honest today. Now I can help you both and try to strengthen the relationship you both are trying to save."

The therapist was about to suggest to them couples counseling. Almost 4 years of a relationship was a long time and they had to make a change. After gathering the pamphlets and other useful papers with information for their relationship, the therapist grabbed 2 copies of the "Love Dare Book." This book offered up helpful tools and tips to revive a relationship. It wouldn't solve all of their problems but would be a good start. They would need to complete tasks in order to bring themselves closer to each other again. In addition, they would need their own separate therapy sessions to overcome their past traumas and to focus on healing those one step at a time. The book wouldn't answer all of their questions of course but it would prove helpful in some ways. The main goal was to find out more about your partner and to understand them, show kind gestures of goodwill and faith towards them. Dr. Martin brought the pamphlets and books over to them and placed them down on the desk in front of them.  
"This is the information and sources you should complete there are a daily devotion and task which is recommended but not required. Good luck. Are there any other questions either of you have for me before we make an appointment for our next session and the individual sessions you have both decided to take?"  
"I'm good I think," Duncan told her.  
"Me too thanks so much for your help," Michelle added.  
"You're welcome."  
They planned their next appointments and walked out of the office feeling less tension and as if the air had been cleared at least a bit. The next session would be in a week for the group meeting and the individual sessions in 3 days for Michelle and 4 days for Duncan. They wanted to try their best to heal and improve their relationship but they were both still optimistic at best about their current situations.


	9. without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter plot: Duncan and Michelle try to strengthen their relationship. Duncan runs into someone at a bar he knows he shouldn't be with.

The next day after their therapist appointment, Duncan and Michelle woke up and the night before they had decided to sleep in separate rooms just for the time being to give each other some space. Michelle slept in the guest bedroom and Duncan in his bedroom. If only he didn't work so much or if he could just work from home then he could spend more time with her, he thought to himself. It would all work out though because if they were meant to be together then what was supposed to be would be, right? 

More days passed by and rather quickly. Duncan and Michelle had both been going to their appointments. Then days turned into weeks and they were soon going to start their "Love Dare" challenge. They were both apprehensive about it but wanted to give it a try. They rarely made time for eating meals together because they had both become so busy with their own work lives and friends but they were trying to pull through and do their best. Some days were easier than others though. At therapy, Michelle was starting to see a breakthrough in talking about her ex and the miscarriage. The therapist recommended besides not checking up on her ex, to live her life and remember that she still had other options even if she couldn't have a baby of her own. The dreams she had about her adoptive father still came and not all of the dreams were sad. It was slowly starting to get better and the sooner she accepted it the better it would be. Cutting herself off from socializing with her friends besides the internet for so long was weighing on her and she decided to spend more time with them which was good. With Duncan, they were more like friends and less like lovers. The spark to be brought back into their relationship would just take time. As for Duncan, he started to do better because of therapy. He even found a support group to talk to other survivors going through the same thing. Admitting it wasn't his fault and that he was taken advantage of by the professor in the past when he was younger wasn't his fault. There were still some instances when he guilt-tripped himself but he was starting to put those days behind him. The truth was Michelle was tired of being sad and pissed off. Being reminded of her past and the anguish of losing her baby led her to think of her deceased father and this only caused her to add to the sorrow and anguish in her mind. Learning how to better cope and handle her sometimes intrusive thoughts made her a better person. The road to get there was tough but she was making it a little at a time. When Duncan thought about the possibility of Michelle never being able to have a child, his heart hurt for her. The truth was he did want kids but he was so scared of the dangers and evil of the world. Never could he imagine putting a child through that ever or possibly having a child go through being used and manipulated by an adult as he had been. He was willing and able to do this for Michelle the whole having a kid but the doctor's appointment she had coming up would either make or break her will to have a kid of her own. They could do it- all of it having a future together having kids one way or another and share their lives. There was no one else he wanted and his party days were behind him. They both hated many things about their past but therapy was proving to be an immense help. Nothing could change the past and you could only move on and live in the moment, plan for a better future. Time moved on with or without you. There was one girl, in particular, Duncan knew had a silly schoolgirl crush on him. He never entertained this idea or the thought of her but her feelings for him were strong. She wouldn't come in between his relationship with his girlfriend though he promised himself. Duncan had even stopped watching porn he was done with it. The act of intimacy and being close together again was something they both wanted but it would just take time and it was no one's fault either.

The first thing the "Love Dare" book challenged for day 1 was to say nothing negative to your partner. This would be easy. Besides it finally being the weekend again, Duncan was home from work and had barely any work to do outside of his classes. He should take Michelle somewhere special and wine and dine her, he decided. She was still asleep and he went out to his BMW and went to go get some flowers for her. He decided on sunflowers they were her favorite flower after all. Upon returning home he came to find the table set and breakfast made. She enjoyed the flowers. After sitting down to a breakfast of eggs and toast with orange juice in champagne glasses, they talked a bit and had a great breakfast. They usually didn't have breakfast together but this was great. Their dog, Lady was sitting nearby obediently and even got a little treat herself. After the dishes were cleaned, they sat down to spend some time, with Michelle doing her art and Duncan sitting there while she drew a portrait of him.  
"I'm glad we're spending more time together," Michelle told Duncan earnestly as she drew his eyes. The time they had been spending together was great despite Duncan's workload.  
"Me too. I thought we could go for a hike today," he suggested as he stood as still as possible as to not mess up Michelle's portrait.  
"Sure. Central Park would be nice," she replied with a smile.

Things were going well so far and the day was just getting started. After getting into proper hiking attire soon after Michelle decided to stop for the moment on her portrait of Duncan, they drove to the park and parked. The book suggested to say nothing but nice things to your partner and so Duncan knew he would. Keeping that in the front of his mind, he knew he would have no problem with this. He just hoped Michelle would believe him and all he had to say. The walk started nice and they even held hands. Some dogs passed by with their owners occasionally and they wondered if they should bring Lady on their next walk. The sun was shining and there wasn't even one cloud in the sky. It was peaceful and tranquil. They enjoyed nature and picking flowers together. There wasn't much conversation but the empty silence wasn't uncomfortable and didn't need to be filled with words. After the walk, they arrived back at the car. After getting home and showering, they put on some Italian music and relaxed with some champagne. The rest of the evening was filled with peaceful conversation and some massages. The next 2 days were days where you were supposed to do an act of kindness for your partner and buy them something showing you cared. Duncan was usually the one to take Lady on a walk but Michelle decided to start walking her. Usually, Michelle cooked dinner but the next 2 days Duncan did this for her. The food was as great as ever and they enjoyed spending more time like this together. Duncan even bought Michelle some new art supplies and she bought him a bracelet with his name engraved on it. Things were going well so far... well at least for now.

Michelle's doctor's appointment was fast-approaching and she was ready to find out what would happen next and either way despite what the doctor said, she would figure it out with Duncan- together. The real reasons why Duncan didn't seem to want to have a kid she hoped she would figure out soon. The day of the appointment showed up and she went with Duncan to the hospital. It was a slightly stressful day and leading up to this point was frustrating for her. Having doubts and what-ifs in her mind only made it worse. Dr. Scott was their assigned doctor and she guided Michelle through the proper tests and had the blood work taken to see if she was going to be able to have a baby. The whole time almost Duncan held her hand and when the doctor came in to give them the news, she tried her best to fake a smile. The news Dr. Scott delivered was that even though it was highly impossible there was still a slight chance for her to have a baby as long as she didn't wait much longer. It was as if the world stopped for her. What would she do next? Get a surrogate? Adopt? Fortunately, Duncan was healthy and was able to be a strong candidate to help Michelle get pregnant but the most likely scenario was that she wouldn't be fertile to have a baby. Her weight was also a concern for this she had lost quite a bit of weight over the past couple of months. He promised he would be there for her and that he would do everything possible to help her have a baby. He confessed to her he did want a baby and what his insecurities were. She understood and appreciated his honesty. They were already having relationship problems and therapy alone plus a self-help book didn't seem like it would be enough but maybe it would. More days went by and their relationship started to strengthen and they even talked about their baby plans and after Michelle's upcoming art show in Philadelphia, they agreed they would try for a baby. Although he was full of doubt, he knew anything was possible and Duncan wanted to make love to Michelle again not just have a baby. The appointments were helping him and he wanted to be closer to her more than ever at this point. Despite partially feeling the same way, she felt something was missing and wanted to get the pressure of the art show out of her mind before trying for a baby. 

Things were good sometimes and other times they were a bit of a struggle but they were both figuring it out one day at a time together. It wasn't easy but it would be worth it and pay off in the end if they were meant to be. The fact that they were trying their best and even willing to work through their problems was a big first step. The following days of the Love Dare passed with Duncan and Michelle taking more interest in each other's passions like Michelle's art and Duncan's love for literature. Also, they would check on each other more throughout their workdays by calling each other more. Another day consisted of telling your partner about something they do you had trouble with. With Duncan of course, Michelle minded that he spent a lot of time buried in his work and she didn't think it was healthy. She just wanted more time and for him to be more understanding and sympathetic towards her instead of giving her the cold shoulder. He told her that he would like for her to be more open with her feelings instead of shutting him out. All they could do was try their best. It didn't happen all at once but they were slowly and surely getting there. Another day was to go without saying one unkind word. While it was important to vent when you needed to, it wasn't necessary every day and they both realized that. They would be there for each other and not give in to negative actions or thoughts. As Duncan started to spend more time at home, he bonded closer to Michelle. Bringing work home with him instead of staying in his office so much started to help strengthen their relationship. They talked about their sex life too and why they felt the need to push each other away recently. For Duncan, it was the stress of his emotions and his work that was slightly getting to him. Being back in college teaching made him think sometimes of his professor who betrayed him. He decided it would be for the best to take on fewer classes from now on and go to more therapy sessions. Being stressed herself, Michelle was overwhelmed sometimes with having the inspiration to do her artwork. She decided to take another art class. The other things that were bothering them intimately were their past relationships and feelings from them starting to resurface. Knowing they could only help each other so much and occupy themselves with other activities for so long, they couldn't hide from their problems forever. Being intimate and close to Duncan wasn't easy now like it used to be. More therapy sessions together would hopefully solve that. It was also that sometimes when Michelle wanted to make love, Duncan didn't or their schedules were just too hectic. They planned to get a schedule together to outline the things they had to do and times when they could be together. When passion would take over again it would come naturally and not be forced.

The last thing they needed as a couple was any more drama but unfortunately one day Duncan had just arrived home and after going inside, seeing his dog Lady, he poured himself a drink. He had bought some chocolate for Michelle. Just as he was about to go give them to her, he heard her talking outside with her friend, Rachel. They were talking about him, how Michelle still felt distant and apart from him. This made him grow a bit sad quite honestly and he wasn't sure how he should take hearing such news. Of course, they still had problems to work through but what couple didn't? Making sure he wasn't close enough for them to possibly see him, he saw what he wasn't expecting. All of a sudden Rachel leaned into Michelle and kissed her. He couldn't watch anymore. Going to leave, he decided he would stop at a bar. Why would she do this? Didn't Rachel have a girlfriend? The last time he checked he thought she did. On the way there he was practically shaking. How could she do this? It wasn't even Michelle it was Rachel. What did it all mean and why was it happening? Just because he was having problems with Michelle didn't mean Rachel needed to kiss her. Soon he arrived at the bar. After he got in and was seated, he ordered a Scotch on the rocks. Soon one drink turned into two. Knowing he would need to take an Uber home, he ordered another drink and just then a girl appeared. She looked familiar like someone he knew and as soon as she sat down next to him and started to talk he knew who it was. It was one of his students- Sarah.


	10. My Heart is Chained to You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration: Not strong enough by Apocalyptica featuring Brent Smith of Shinedown.

Seeing her again especially on the verge of practically being drunk was the very last thing Duncan needed right now. Knowing he should leave, he wanted to make the proper exit. Now was the time for him to be at home with his girlfriend not possibly getting future advances from a student with a silly little crush on him. What he needed was to clear the air with Michelle, talk about things. It was probably just a misunderstanding, right? As Sarah inched a bit closer, he backed away a bit.  
"Professor Shepherd. Fancy seeing you here. And before you ask I'm 21 by the way." She tried to sound charming but he wasn't buying it.  
"Hello. I've been here awhile I'm leaving soon," he told her rather curtly wanting more than anything to be out of there.  
"I understand. I was supposed to meet up on a date but he stood me up. I came here instead."  
He nodded as if in understanding but he was trying his best to not pay much attention to her. The moment was awkward and he wanted more than anything to make a desperate getaway. He pulled out his phone and went on the Uber app to order a ride. Leaving the rest of his drink abandoned, he stood up but soon sat back down because he was a bit dizzy from all of the drinks.  
"You don't look so good, sir. Do you need some help?" She asked with fake concern.  
"I'm fine. And you don't need to call me sir," he chided her.  
The Uber notification that they were there soon arrived a few minutes later. Mustering up his courage to try again, he got up and walked shakily to the Uber. To his dismay when he glanced behind him, he saw Sarah following him. This was just great. What the hell did she want? As he slightly stumbled to the car and she got in the car right behind him.  
"Could I have a ride please?" She asked pathetically.  
He wanted to say no but decided against it. He let her get in and decided as soon as possible he would get her out unless she ended up leaving soon of her own free will. Annette always told him that giving a ride to a woman in need was the right thing to do. In this case, he hoped he wouldn't regret it but sometimes he let his kindness get the better of him. She would be gone soon he hoped. After she told the driver where she would be heading which was a house closeby, he nodded and they were on their way. Before long he noticed from the corner of his eye she was staring at him, smiling, trying to be polite. It kind of freaked him out. What was her problem? Soon she started to move her hand closer to his lap. There was no way he was going to let this happen so he pushed her hand away almost instantly. She leaned in closer to whisper  
"What's wrong, Duncan? Don't you find me attractive?"  
"I have a girlfriend, you're my student. Stop!" Duncan told her sternly.  
She pouted but moved her hand back into her lap. Not knowing how much longer he could take this, he looked out the window and leaned his head against his hand. How could she be so bold he thought.  
"She's not here though is she? I can keep a secret."  
"Stop the car!" Duncan noticed they were close to her destination so he didn't feel too bad. The driver stopped all of a sudden and Duncan waved her away.  
"Get out now!" He rather harshly told her.  
She reluctantly obeyed but before she left, she boldly said  
"See you in class Duncan," followed by a wink and a slight slam of the door.  
"Drive!" He shouted at the rather bemused looking Uber driver.  
As soon as he was able to he would be dropping her from his class and request to her in an e-mail as kindly as possible to not be signing up for any of his future classes. He meant it too. No longer would he be taking advantage of by her. There was no way he would ruin his relationship with his girlfriend when it was already in the process of being repaired. Life would be better once he cut off all ties with anyone and everything toxic in his world.  
After he got home he stumbled into the house. There was only one light on and it was in the living room. He came to find a passed out Michelle covered in a quilt fast asleep but as he started to make noise upon coming into the living room she was startled abruptly awake.

"Hello?" She asked groggily and sounding a bit confused.  
"Go back to sleep, babe," he reassured her as he took off his shoes and removed his tie. He wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and a chance to explain to him everything that transpired the day prior in the morning.  
What he didn't know was that after Rachel kissed Michelle, she abruptly pushed her away and started to go back inside. After she had calmed down Michelle told Rachel she didn't want to see her anymore and she wanted her to leave her house immediately. She even blocked her number and removed her from her phone contacts. The only way to move forward was through getting rid of anything that tried to hold you down. There were enough distractions in her life as it was and she would never be unfaithful to him. No matter how complicated and at times confusing her relationship with Duncan was lately and despite how frustrating it had become at times, she wanted to try and make things work. To get things back to where they were before.  
Morning came and Duncan slept in the nearby futon. When he woke up in the middle of the night he looked at her, thinking of what might happen and all the possibilities hoping what he saw was wrong and that he was just jumping to conclusions. He didn't want to lose her but he also didn't want to open up their relationship. Even though he had gone down that path in the past and knew people who had open relationships, he wasn't looking for that. She meant everything to him and he felt that without her he would completely crumble. Despite all they had been through she was his rock and he still wanted to start a family with her. To love and cherish her, always. He just hoped she felt the same way about him.  
After their morning breakfast, he sat down to talk to her. Work could wait for that day and he could just leave instructions to his students through email. Looking a bit down herself, Michelle was trying her hardest to conceal what had happened the day prior. Knowing it wasn't good to keep secrets she still couldn't believe it had occurred. It was all so wrong. Neither she nor Rachel was single and even though she didn't have feelings for Rachel or miss being with another woman, she was still feeling a bit confused. Never before had she had an almost 4-year relationship with anyone before Duncan.  
"I have something to tell you, Duncan."  
"Me too but you first."  
"Yesterday when I was spending time with Rachel she kissed me. I pushed her away and she left soon after. I told her not to talk to me anymore."  
"I saw that's why I left for hours last night. I didn't come home until late or early morning. Anyways I believe you."  
She felt so reassured now. Duncan had been texted by Rachel and she apologized for her actions.  
"What did you need to tell me?"  
"I saw a student of mine at the bar after I was drunk. She wanted an Uber ride with me. I kicked her out during the drive. She was shamelessly flirting with me. I'm dropping her from my class and all future classes," he told her assuredly.  
If that didn't work he decided he would take a restraining order out on her because this was just ridiculous at this point and it needed to stop.  
"You can't just run away from your problems but if you think its the best then that's what you should do. She's probably just a silly schoolgirl with a little crush. She can't be dangerous, right?" She asked sounding a bit concerned and with good reason to be nonetheless.  
"I know that. This has been going on for weeks now. I can't deal with it. Nothing and no one will come in between us," he promised her as he put his hand on her shoulder.  
She nervously chewed at her fingernails feeling on edge now. The tension wasn't any good and she didn't need to be getting stressed out. She decided she just needed some time to think about things more.  
"Let's just sleep on things and then decide more about what we should do tomorrow."  
He nodded in understanding before embracing her in a hug. The rest of the day passed uneventfully. After sending out emails to his class he emailed Sarah and told her to find another class to sign up for. He was just done with her.

Soon after he got a ping notification and an email from Sarah.  
<<Duncan this isn't the last you will see of me. Count on it!!>>  
So now she was threatening him? WTF?! He thought to himself. This was getting out of hand. He hoped she wouldn't try anything and that she was just a liar. If she tried anything to harm anyone especially Michelle he would lose it and become livid. Already they were going through a rough time they didn't need more drama to add to their struggles.  
Not even 2 days later Michelle went out to her car to find it keyed, the driver's side window broken, and a note left on her windshield it read 'Leave Duncan or you'll be sorry.' Almost automatically she was pretty sure she knew who it was. Sarah, of course. That girl was crazy. How much longer could she take this? She didn't know. She was a bit scared though. After telling Duncan he reassured her he would take care of it. The last thing they wanted was to take things to authorities especially the police but they needed to file a report and something had to be done about her to make her stop. Calling the cops was not pleasant in the slightest. Soon they arrived and made a report. They asked Duncan why he thought someone would do this and swiped for fingerprints. Also, they took the letter in to decipher the handwriting to see if it was Sarah. The test would come back with the DNA shortly. The email she had sent him was also shown to the officers. Wasting no time he told them that it was his student Sarah how she had stalked him. They told him that he should've said something sooner but his report now was better late than never. They took some notes down on their police file and report before leaving. It was awful and Sarah seemed like a danger to herself and others at this point. A restraining order was filed.

They continued their therapy and spending more time together. They were also cautious about Sarah and what she might do next. Despite having an alarm system and a guard dog they worried. Until one day weeks later they got a call that Sarah had taken an attempt on her life. She was at the hospital. She was going to get the help she needed and was not going to bother them anymore. Her treatment would be in intense therapy at a facility far away. The truth was that she had a lot of problems. Her home life and having an alcoholic mother was part of it. Her rough childhood was another part of why she was messed up like this and was getting the proper help and treatment she deserved for her health. It was a huge relief and it felt like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They of course didn't want any harm to come to her nor held any grudges against her. Life was taking a turn for the better now. The problems they had were being resolved by talking it out with professional help and time. Some days were better than others of course but they were working through it a little at a time.  
Their relationship became more special and valued with time and with more dates. Going out and spending more time together, Duncan spending less time working formally on campus and instead online really helped. They felt as if they had gotten their lives back. There was still stress sometimes with their problems but they wouldn't last forever. Money wasn't an issue to them and their real problems were being faced which made things more than just bearable between each other. The intimacy and the spark between them came back even. Their love was shown more than said through their actions instead of words. No matter what Duncan knew he would protect Michelle with his life. Of course, she was a priority and they put each other as their biggest priority after they put themselves first. Everything was going so well and soon they hoped they could start a family of their own.

It had been a month since Michelle stopped using her birth control. Imagining having a kid with Duncan made her feel that they would make wonderful parents. She didn't want to get her hopes up too high and knew it might not happen at least not on the first try. They could've been trying for years but the time just wasn't right. It never was and they were both so preoccupied with their own lives and problems that they didn't spend enough time together. Breaking up wouldn't be the solution and she didn't want anyone else, nor did Duncan want anyone else either. Some days were tougher than others and some days Michelle just wanted to be alone and to curl up and disappear but Duncan wouldn't let her. He would always tell her she was beautiful and that he supported her. The thing about him was that he made her feel beautiful and he was the only man and person she believed when he told her she was beautiful. Coming from the lips of anyone else she wouldn't believe it. Knowing she had in the past felt like just giving up on him and leaving and not just because of the fights sometimes, she was glad she didn't. Even when he tried to push her away, she wouldn't let him. Despite everything she was there and stuck around when a lot of other people wouldn't. Neither of them cared about marriage or a piece of paper legally binding them together. Their bond was stronger than that and they didn't need the church telling them they were bound together. Traditional means and standards, ways of doing things didn't matter much to them. It seemed trivial in hindsight. Just when they thought their relationship couldn't survive, they brought each other back to reality and kept each other grounded. Therapy made them stronger and better people. Even though their relationships with their parents could be rocky at best most times, they had each other and nothing, and no one would come in between them.  
One day Michelle thought about leaving for a bit and taking a break to see what it would be like away from Duncan for a brief yet possibly needed time away from him. It wasn't because she wanted to be alone or away from him but because she thought it would be a healthy thing to do. She considered going to stay with a friend or a family member but couldn't bear the thought of having him out of her life. It was the last thing she wanted actually. The self-help relationship books and even magazine articles advised that going away from your significant other could be a good thing but after some more time thinking about it she decided against it. It wasn't like she had problems with Duncan yet she felt something was missing in her life.


	11. You always believed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan and Michelle get a spark back in their love life. Epilogue/finale.

A little more time passed until Michelle was ready to make love to Duncan again and he was more than ready but of course, had patiently waited for it to be the right time for her. More therapy helped them both even though their lives weren't perfect, after all, who's was? What mattered was each other. She remembered why she loved Duncan and why she was proud to stand by his side. He was the only person for her and right now she was completely in love with him. The fact that there was still a chance to have a baby made her happy but she wasn't going to completely get her hopes up in case things didn't work out. After dessert one night she started to passionately make out with Duncan on their bed. Candles were lit, the lights were dim, they had the best red silk sheets on the bed, and she was wearing her favorite Agent Provocateur lingerie a black and blue slip. Duncan loved it when she dressed up because she wanted to just for the fun of it. Everything she wore made her look even more breath-taking to him and he loved to see her happy. His wandering hands slowly made their way up her legs, past her hips, then up to her breasts as they were kissing and she was on top of him on the bed. As for Duncan, he only had on a pair of boxers and a black t-shirt. She caressed his chest and lifted his shirt as the kisses grew more intense. They had both missed this and wish they could've done this again sooner. Sometimes they even wondered why they had decided to stop being intimate even though partially the reason was because of the people who had wronged them in their past. They no longer wanted any of that to hold them down or control them. The past was the past and with time and healing, they were starting to slowly except surely get back to where they once were. The scent of his cologne was alluring and her vanilla-scented hair and coconut body lotion were addicting to him. They had both planned to have a baby soon and try their best starting now. 

"I love you so damn much. Are you sure?" He asked a little breathless now.  
"Of course I am. I love you too, baby," she told him assuredly with passion.  
Nodding, he kissed her again with a fiery and burning intensity. It was perfect being this close to him. Everything about him was alluring and she loved him so much. He was in love with her too. Just when they thought they wouldn't possibly be able to get back to where they were before, they were able to find the passion again and it was now re-ignited.  
"Make love to me," she told him looking deep into his baby blue eyes.  
"I will, my love."

As he looked into her hazel eyes he removed his cock from the confines of his boxers as she helped him to remove his shirt. Now lifting her slip, she started to grind against his erection. Already wet for him, she helped to guide him into her entrance, slowly inch by inch. Now that he was inside of her she felt so full and ready for him. Everything about Duncan was intoxicating to her and he felt she was intoxicating to him too. As he made love to her Michelle looked deep into his eyes and held his face in her hands, peppering kisses along his jaw. The moment was perfect and she wanted to make it last. Staring deep into her eyes, he found a steady rhythm as he caressed her shoulders, his other hand on her hip. It felt so right being inside of her. The love they had for each other was incomparable to no other. As their legs entangled with the sheets they made the most passionate love. Hands entwined, moaning and gasping for breath with their hungry need for each other, she felt so beautiful and special. The way Duncan made her feel was like she was his one and only. Never before did she need or want validation from someone else but he truly and deeply cared. She was so glad she had finally found that, but she was also worried it would be taken away. Pushing those thoughts aside she continued to love him and embrace him, she felt like he was the best thing to happen to her. Wrapping her arms and legs around him as tight as she could hold him, he continued to make love to her.

"Dunc, I'm gonna cum," she told him pleading for her release.  
"Cum for me baby. I'm almost there. Let's cum together."  
Before she could say another word she started to unravel for him and it felt amazing. She already felt like she would cum again soon. As another wave of orgasm washed through her Duncan whispered "I'm gonna c-cum."  
Moaning and groaning as he continued to thrust they came together almost simultaneously. It felt so good and so right.  
"I love you, Michelle."  
"I love you too, Duncan."  
After he lay down beside her they held each other perfectly content in the moment. It was so loving, gentle, caring. They felt blissful and at peace for sharing such a beautiful moment with an act so intimate.

Months went by and even with the many times they had made love, she still wasn't pregnant. Upon returning to the doctor again Michelle found out she had endometriosis which was linked to reduced chances of getting pregnant or even getting through the early stages of pregnancy. Of course they were crushed at first, especially Michelle, but nothing could be done and they had tried their best. They mutually decided they would wait to adopt a baby and go to the adoption agency when the time was right. Maybe it wasn't meant to be but at least they had each other no matter what.  
One day they were sitting in the park enjoying a picnic of sushi and bubble tea while they were at a lake watching the ducks nearby. They heard a kid crying somewhere close so they went to find out what was wrong. The little girl who didn't look to be any older than 5 told them her name was Amanda. She had long blonde hair and the bluest eyes. Amanda told them she was on a field trip with her group home and was separated from them. They took her by the hand and reassured her they would help her find her way back to them. With a little searching, they came across the group leader. She thanked them profusely for helping find Amanda. The group leader Theresa told them they were on a field trip with the group home before Amanda got lost. Upon telling her their interest in adoption she recommended they come down that weekend to visit the children and get to know Amanda better if they chose to. The week came and went and they were on their way Saturday to see Amanda again. It seemed almost as if it was fate and that they were meant to adopt her. Just when they weren't looking they found what they had been searching for.

After being led into the group home they saw kids playing, toys everywhere, and joy all around. The way they felt being here was nothing except good vibes all around. The place was welcoming. Amanda was soon spotted nearby and she was playing by herself, coloring. When she saw Duncan and Michelle she smiled brightly. They were instantly happier now that they were here seeing this lovely and bright young girl again. Even though Michelle always pictured having a baby of her own, she was more than alright with adopting a little girl. Duncan didn't know his real family so he knew what that could be like living in an adoptive home. Always having money was fine but he wanted to be loved and have a less-complicated family and living situation growing up. Sometimes his life felt tumultuous and that it would never end but he managed to become a good man despite it all no thanks to his uncle Bill and absent father.

As they approached her, she looked up at them smiling sweetly at both. They admired what she was coloring and smiled brightly back at her.  
"Are you here to adopt me?" She asks them curiously.  
"If you want that then we do too," Michelle tells her in a sweet tone before sitting down in a chair close by.  
"I do. You're both nice."  
"Well you're pretty nice yourself," Duncan tells her brushing a stray strand of hair behind his ear and stepping closer before kneeling next to her.  
"I want that very much," Amanda tells them stopping her coloring for a bit.  
After they talked to her a bit more and got to know her better, they made their way to the adoption office. After talking with the adoption service agency and signing the adoption papers, Duncan and Michelle walk out of the adoptive group home with their daughter each of them holding her hands. They took her home and made Amanda her very favorite meal mac n' cheese with Texas toast and chocolate cake. She adjusted quite well pretty quickly and had no trouble sleeping that night. They had made the guest room up for her and had painted the walls purple. Soon after that first night together they took her to the mall and bought her so many toys and art supplies.

Almost a year had passed since the adoption and they were adjusting well in their home with Amanda. She felt so welcomed and loved. She had the best manners and now a better life because she had found them. The truth was they had found each other and their lives were even better now. They would go out together on family dinners, shopping trips, road trips, school field trips, vacations to Hawaii, the mountains, and camping trips. Almost every day was something new together and no day was the same. Even though they had money that wasn't the important thing. Amanda had even started calling them mom and dad which they loved. A part of them wished they could have a baby but knew the way their life was unfolding with their newly adopted daughter was wonderful in so many ways. They felt fulfilled and loved their lives. Having a kid didn't complete them but made their lives so much fuller. Their lives felt fulfilled in ways they couldn't have imagined before. Taking care of a child was one of the greatest gifts and getting to know them, to help shape them and raise them was wonderful beyond words. Despite their daughter being able to have anything she wanted she loved them for who they were. Their dog Sammy loved Amanda and she loved him. Their first Christmas together they took family portraits and it was Amanda's first Christmas with a family of her own. Even though she got all the toys she wanted, she enjoyed the time spent with Duncan and Michelle. Amanda also enjoyed school and made friends easily. The nights she had homework or school projects they made sure to help her which was great even though she was a good learner all on her own. Being a college professor continued for Duncan except he taught more online classes from then on. This was more than fine with Michelle and Amanda. It was so great to be able to see each other often. There were even more art shows Michelle participated in. One of her best works was photography portraits she took of Duncan, Amanda, and Sammy on a family trip to the park where they first met Amanda. The thing which made Michelle the proudest was when Amanda told her she wanted to grow up and be an artist too. Knowing she was serious and very passionate about art, Michelle supported her fully. Their first summer together was coming up fast and they were going to take Amanda to Disneyland. It was one of her biggest wishes and they were glad to fulfill it. They were taking it one day at a time and their relationship was getting stronger. Any issue that would possibly arrive in the future they would face together.


End file.
